I've so not been feeling well. I miss my son so much. It seems to get worse when I am not doing well health wise.  Right now, I'm not doing well at all. No, I don't desire a drink, I just desire to cry, to scream to let this disease have it right in the mouth. 

This disease stole my son.  It killed him.  Gone 4ever yet I still cannot comprehend it.  The other day it was exactly one and a half years since we buried my son. Nobody in my family even realized it, my grief that day was unbearable.  Pls keep me in your prayers and commitments, please.

My expectation was I'd be ok, the realization is I'm so NOT ok.

thanks for letting me share, Carrie who could use all the hugs she can get.

AWWW Carrie here you go  . I hope that you get to feeling better. I would like to tell you that you are an inspiration to me. You have awesome ESH. Remember you are very loved and cared about. Hope that you can have a better day.

                 Fred

Mwahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh

Thank YOU Tbear and my Dear Melly for the bear! I call it the Recovery Relam Care Bear   I promise to take good care of it until it is time to 'pay it forward'..........Please allow me to tell you why the significance of this bear in story format?  I appreciate you, and EVERYONE at this site, they have literally saved my life

There was once a little girl who loved her daddy. Her daddy used to call her “Princess” (easy melly lol) and to this little girl she heard that so often she began to believe she “Was” a Princess. Although her daddy and mommy were no longer together, the little girl went every weekend to see her daddy. Soon it became clear to the lil girl that her daddy was not well. When she went to see her daddy he was so ill he couldn’t come out of his room. Often the little girl would go into her daddy’s room and cuddle with him, she saw he was crying, and she would wipe his tears from his eyes all the while proclaiming “It will be ok daddy, please don’t cry”. This would help her daddy sometimes.

The little girl and her sister and mommy went on vacation. There they had great fun. Each day she phoned her daddy to tell him what she had done and what she visited that day. One day she saw mommy talking on the phone, and mommy began crying. The vacation abruptly ended, and this little girl did not know why, only that she had to leave now and go home. Upon arriving home, her mommy took her to her Nana’s house. There were a lot of people there. The little girl could sense something was not right. Before mom could begin to explain the little girl said “It’s my daddy huh? He’s sick?” and mommy, in tears, explained that daddy went to be with the angels. That day the precious sparkle of life left the little girls eye’s. She attended the wake and funeral, yet she refused to go near daddy unless she was being held.

After a few months her mommy asked her if she’d like to go live with her Nana. The little girl was excited, for she loved her Nana. As the girl and her sister and mommy moved into Nana’s house the little girl began to cry a lot. She would often tell her Nana how much she missed her daddy. Soon the little girls birthday came. Her Nana took her to Build a Bear Workshop, there the little girl made a bunny. She was so excited!!!For the first time in many long months, her sparkle returned to her blue eye's.  She even had clothes for the bunny. Before she left the store with the bunny, she had to think of a name for the bunny. She thought & thought, and finally she named her bunny : McBunny !

At night when she hurt and wanted her daddy she would hold McBunny and cry long hours into the night.

One day the little girl caught her Nana crying in her kitchen. “Nana, why are you crying?” asked the lil one. Nana looked up and said “Well you know how you miss daddy a lot? So does Nana, and sometimes it hurts so badly I cry”. That seemed to appease the little girl, as she gave her Nana a big hug and quickly left the kitchen. As Nana went about preparing dinner, she felt a tug at her shirt. Looking down, low & behold there was the little girl and McBunny. The little girl put on her best bunny voice and said “Don’t cry Nana, I’ll hold you and let you cry on me, just as I have let princess”.

Ok Carrie, your point? The little girl is my grandaughter Mckayla and that bunny is a part of our family. It has seen its fair share of tears. McBunny has been very instrumental in helping each one grieve. When we purchased McBunny I had no idea how much that Bunny would help not just my gradaughter, but ALL of us!!  So thanks again Tbear for the Bear. I promise I’ll take good care of him.

Recovery Love, Carrie