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Carol 
Trusted Servant
Grand Master MINION
Posts: 1047
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| 08/23/2008 3:13 PM |
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I saw this on another site -- I thought it was important enough to be shared here.
Do you ever tell others disparaging information about a person just for the sake of gossiping? If so, why?
"Sticks and stones may break my bones, but names will never hurt me."
Not true! Words can cause tremendous anguish and irreparable harm.
Jewish folklore tells the story of a man who slandered the town's rabbi. Later, he begged the rabbi for forgiveness, asking to make amends. The rabbi told him to cut open a feather pillow in the wind. This he did and the feathers scattered everywhere. "Now I'm forgiven?" asked the man.
"Yes," answered the rabbi, "as soon as you go and gather all the feathers." "But that's impossible!"
"Exactly. When we speak badly about someone, the damage spreads and has far-reaching repercussions. It is impossible to fully repair."
Words are powerful. They can tear apart relationships and ruin reputations or they can build and inspire.
Just about everyone gossips, eager to share and listen to the latest dirt. Why? What's the allure?
The Talmud compares a gossip to a snake because both attack their victims without tangible benefit. The snake bites and poisons a human being but receives no nourishment in return. And the gossip gains nothing by destroying another's reputation.
Gossip is not just a curiosity about the lives of others. It is an attempt to elevate ourselves. It's enticing to knock people down and instantaneously feel better about ourselves. We think we can bypass the difficult struggle in earning genuine self-esteem by overcoming our character flaws.
In the end, we lower ourselves. Like flies drawn to dirt, we ignore the good in people and focus only on their faults. We become petty and mean-spirited, looking at the world through negative, cynical eyes. We cause immeasurable pain and breed mistrust in the process.
Words have the power to bring theoretical ideas from the mind into the tangible world, creating reality. With our speech, we can either turn people into objects, stripping away their self-image, or we can elevate ourselves by affirming the good in others, showing respect and building a benevolent world.
The next time we're tempted to focus on the negative in someone else, let's channel that criticism inward and take a good, long look at ourselves. True elevation comes through improving ourselves, while searching for the positive in others.
IN SUMMARY
We derive a pernicious kind of pleasure in knocking others in order to elevate ourselves.
In the end, we lower ourselves, becoming mean-spirited and negative.
Next time we're tempted to focus on the negative in someone, let's take a good, long look at ourselves while seeing the good in others.
BACKGROUND SOURCES
1. A person shall not cause pain to his fellow man.
Leviticus, 25:18
2. Death and life are in the power of the tongue.
Proverbs, 18:21
3. The one who gossips stands in Syria and kills in Rome.
Jerusalem Talmud, Peah, 1:1
4. Gossip kills three people: the speaker, the listener and the person being discussed.
Babylonian Talmud, Arachin, 15b
5. Be very careful with gossip because with it you will embarrass yourself, for one who denigrates is merely projecting his own fault onto someone else. It's natural to take your own faults and point them out in others.
The Ways of the Righteous, The Gate of Loshon Hara
6. Who is the "gossipmonger"? One who carries reports and goes from one person to another saying, "So-and-so said this! And I heard such-and-such from this person!" Even if what he says is true, he destroys the world. Far worse is "Loshon Hara," the evil tongue. This is talking disparagingly about someone, even if he says the truth. One who actually lies is called a "slanderer."
Maimonides, Mishna Torah, Laws of Character Development, 7:2
7. A man in the street exclaims, "Who wants to buy the potion for life?" Everyone crowds around him eager to buy. The man pulls out the Book of Psalms and reads, "Who is the man that yearns for life, who desires years of good fortune? Guard your tongue from speaking evil and your lips from deceitful speech." [Psalms 34:13]
The Ways of the Righteous, the Gate of Loshon Hara
8. Whoever has compassion towards others will be shown compassion from Above.
Babylonian Talmud , Shabbat, 151b
 good stuff, eh? .. |
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Be the change you wish to see in the world ...Gandhi |
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Carol
Trusted Servant
Grand Master MINION
Posts: 1047
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| 08/23/2008 3:25 PM |
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I heard a story once about gossip:
A student of Socrates came running up to him, saying "I have something to tell you about another student".
Socrates said, "Is it good?" The student replies, "No, but..."
Socrates said, "Is it true?" The student answers "I don't know, but..."
Socrates said, "Is it useful?" The student says "Well, no, but..."
Socrates said, "Why would I need to know something about someone that isn't good, isn't true, and isn't useful?"
I try to remind myself of that story when I'm tempted to engage in gossip -- if it's not good, true, or useful, it's bound to do more harm than good.
I also love the story about the rabbi in the above post.
Whatever reason one may have for saying something bad about someone else is no excuse for the irreparable damage that inevitably follows -- remember the kid's game where you whisper something to someone, and they pass it on, until, by the end of the line, there is absolutely no resemblance to what was originally said.
The Big Book reminds us to check our motivations -- the only possible motivation for gossip is to inflate one's own ego while tearing someone else down.
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Be the change you wish to see in the world ...Gandhi |
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Larry
Trusted Servant
Master MINION
Posts: 713
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| 08/24/2008 1:17 PM |
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Good post Carol. As for myself gossip doesn't bother me. I've had some pretty wild stuff started about me in my AA home group. I just laugh it off and let it run it's course. Sometimes I even play along with it for the laughs. Gossip can only hurt you if you let it. |
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choel
Junior REALMite
Posts: 4
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| 08/28/2008 12:44 PM |
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Thanks for the post Carol. I think all of us at some point need to be reminded of the damage that can be caused to others by the thoughtless comments that we make. I needed this reality check, I have lately found myself listening to gossip about others and I KNOW better yet I allowed that to enter my life.
I am much like Larry in my self opinion of gossip..people will believe what they choose to regardless of anything I may say or do to the contrary. But with that said it does not for a moment excuse any behavior on my part if I contribute to the ongoing gossip about another person. Again, THANK YOU for the much needed reminder.
I suspect my HP guided me to this post. |
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