Just some thoughts. I know that it says it is better to forgive than to be forgiven. Thats true. I can not help but wonder sometimes weather or not one has truly been forgiven. It really shouldn't matter since the blessing is not in the recieving of forgiveness as much as it is in the giving of it.

Our ammends process talks about this at length and our text guides us in what direction to take. These are all very helpful in our recovery proccess. Wouldn't it be nice though to know in some small way that you have been forgiven for past actions? I wonder about that sometimes and usually end up saying to myself that it really does not matter. I have forgiven others and thats enough.

Months ago, well a year ago actually I sat in my little sisters house with my mom. Having done a 4th step and a 5th step I had long since forgiven her for any wrongs, real or imagined, I though she had done me We sat there her and I and had our face to face ammends. Oh she apologized for allowing things to happen that happened. But ya know at the time I allowed her to say her peice even though I may have agreed with her years prior to this meeting I did not now. When she was finished I swallowed that swallow and placed my words in the hands of my God and made my ammends. People it was not only a beautiful thing but a release of years of imagined misery and anger, resentment and denial. I kept to my side of the street and cleaned it up. Just as our text outlined and my sponsor suggested. Tears were shed on both faces and not only did my mother know she was forgiven, but I also knew I was also forgiven for being such a bad son. Remember though I was not looking for forgiveness but making an ammends. Having already forgiven my mother.  God saw around the corner.

As many of you know my mother passed the following August. Her son knelt at her feet and watched as she entered the kingdom of heaven. I literally witnessed her spirit fly. None of this would have been possible if it were not for the steps, a sponsor, all of you in recovery and God.

SO am I able to forgive without seeking forgiveness? On most days yes. How bout yall?

Namaste