Good afternoon friends/family! 
I just got in from work and was sitting here thinking about the people I have known in recovery and those I have come to know. It is kinda strange how when I was out there doing my thing I seemed to have very few real friends. Worse yet those I did have I cared little about. (Unless of course whatever effected their life was or was going to in some way effect mine). Seems things gave changed a bit over the past few years.
When I first got sober I went to this thing we have once a year called back to basics. I met this young lady there that weekend and we became friends. Over the past few years I have witnessed her struggle to remain sober and clean.
The other day I saw her sitting on a park bench in the middle of town. I would have liked to stop and talked to her but I was on the clock and had a co-worker with me. I did however try and call her but her phone was disconnected.
So, I got into the grapevine and found out that she had just got out of jail for forging checks. Through this other person I learned that she had all but given up on trying to get clean and sober. So I prayed.
I know I haven't the power to get anyone sober, keep them sober, or get them drunk. But my heart was saddened by that news. Then during a meeting someone was sharing and mentioned that he and his sponsee had to repo a van his sponsee had sold this person and she wasn't paying on it.
He then went on to say that she feels hopeless and that she can see know way out other than to ride this to it's bitter end. I felt it was inappropriate for him to have shared all he did but it did validate what I had already heard.
When I first met this young lady she had a daughter and since has had a son. The dad is all but long gone. Both of them. When I met her she was thin and red eyed. I watched her as she began to fill out and her complection changed and she began to look healthy.
Although still struggling she was hanging in there. We sat and talked often about life and recovery and God. I really thought she was finally on her way.
Then she began too loose weight, and she wasn't heavy to start with. Her skin appeared to be just hanging on bone and the crack ticks tore at her face. She is back out there again, worse then before and I am sad. Her children are with their grandmom who has decades of sobriety. So they are safe. But her daughter is in grave danger as this disease is taking her down. I fear that this time she is not coming back.
I have many friends these days. Before I would care less about their addictions or feelings or problems. But today I do care. Every time I see someone go back out to that land of hopelessness and helplessness I am reminded of my own mortality and powerlessness over this ^&**&%$*&%# disease!
I know that we all have but one day at a time and there are things we must do to insure we remain sober. That regardless of those that go back out we must stand strong and not yeild to that temptation to throw in the towel and say the heck with it all!
This morning I got on my knees and asked God for direction, that he show me the right action to take, I offered my will to Him and that He use me as a vessle to carry His hope and His love for us all. I think of these steps and this spiritual program of recovery and I think of all the friends I have made along the way, including those in here.
So I ask that we take a moment of silence for those we know that are out there and for those that may never find these doors. That this circle we make represents that together we can do what alone we can not. I ask that you all pray for my friend that has lost her way.
God bless you all and see you later...
Namaste Glenn H |