Day 41.  At this time, in this place.

I got up this morning and did he same things that I've been doing for years.  With the exception of coming into this site instead of others.  My day will be the same as many others have been in the past over the years.  Occasionally, something different will happen, but still the same.

I have thrown myself into helping myself.  To open my mind, to learn, to accept and try to change.  I think that I have made progress,  yet...  my life is still the same.  I read and study the forums, and now the books, and gain some new knowledge, ... well I use to.  Now I scan them and absorb nothing.  SOOOO much information, TOOO much information.  MORE and NEW information that has swelled into a mountain that appears so steep and high...   My task of moving forward has come to a complete halt.  I here from others about how great life is and the NEVER ending praise for having an H.P.  The terms, "one day at and time"  and "one step at a time"  are turning to crap. 

I have made room in my day to help myself, and did so willingly and wantingly.  Now going to bed at after midnight, but still have to get up at 5:30.  I still do my job.  But no time for TV or puter games.  Not spending time with my wife, our evening swim gone and in bed while reading or watching TV, hardly any time with her at all.  I feel us drifting apart.  Though I have gained some insite, I have not obtained "enlightenment",  contentment or "inner piece.  I have gained sobriety.  But in this sobriety I think ot  "is that all their is?".

We in here, are the same, but not.  Different steps.  Different issues. Different backgrounds and experiences.  Many the same... but different.

I don't know if I will be back.  I do know that I must stop for now. 

(((((((((((((( Ringo )))))))))))))))) I do hear what you are saying my friend. Recovery in the beginning can be so overwhelming. 41 days is awesome, and being an alkie myself I know I want to see results NOW not 3 months from now. It really is a process that takes time, patience, perseverence and alot of understanding.

It is hard to balance everything around recovery, I remember when I was where you are now it seemed so hopeless, recovery took up so much of my time and took away from my spouse and kids and things I use to like to do.

I was told to sit and think about how much time my drinking took up, but in my mind it was like yeah but I could still do that and be around spouse and kids sorta. My point being is that for us to learn how to incorporate our recovery into our existing lives we need to be patient.

There are so many things that come up when we first get sober, it really is overwhelming. Feelings we are not sure how to deal with, and at times feeling like a kid but in an adult body. Our character defects sometimes boldy staring us in the face, not pretty or very nice sometimes, but again is all part of the process, which does take time.

Journalling helped me keep things sorted and out of my mind so I did not get overwhelmed with stuff. Taking things one thing at a time, or as the saying goes "first things first" and it helped to have people around to remind me of that as well. Sure we all have different stories and backgrounds but what keeps us together and on the same path is our desire to be FREE from our addictions. The comfort of knowing how the other person feels and relating to what they are going through. Might not be exactly the same but we can relate to the frustrations and other emotions that come up along the way.

Ringo you are such an awesome person and I have enjoyed getting to know you and I do hate to see you leave or give up on this journey. In life we do have to make compromises to get the results we want. I heard what you said abt not getting to bed until late, I know for myself online can be addictive and time goes by so fast too without us knowing it, but it is also comforting and doing what we need to for our recovery , our life and peace of mind dealing with it as well.

I know when I struggle the most is when I need to not react and keep doing what has kept me sober and sort through  possible solutions. I am not that great at wording things the way I want them to come across but I believe you know what I am trying to say.

YOU ARE SO WORTH this gift to yourself, 41 days is a big deal and you have done that and I do understand your frustration and your feelings of drifting apart from your wife. Please just remember that sometimes our expectations are too high ,our perceptions can be off and  we want results that don't come as fast or convienent as we would like.

One day at a time is a blessing that has saved my life, from  my first day sober to today ( almost 12 yrs later), I still live and breath that motto, it is the only way I can keep from becoming to overwhelmed with life and a way to keep my life as simple as possible.

Please take good care of YOU and I am sorry to hear that you might not be back. I will be keeping you in prayer and thought, please don't stop believing in yourself or the miracle that does happen when we continue along this journey .

Sincerely and with much love

your friend Di

Ringo my little brother,

Ringo its progress we are looking for, not perfection. And you have made progress. I have seen so much progress from you. Ya know alot of times I sit and listen to you sharing and I am like so amazed because you have come so far and there have even been times where I wondered "why cant I get it as fast as ringo is getting it, why cant I share like that ".

We joke about little brother, but I felt more like the little sister... lol. And ya know ringo, I remember just a few weeks ago I was talking to someone here about some of the same things you just shared. I read on the forums, or blogs or listen in meetings and its like all this stuff jumping out at me about myself, not just jumping out but rather like slapping me in the face like a ton of bricks is the way it feels.  

But Ringo, ya know, i think even seeing the stuff is making some progress. And thats what its all about right, progress not perfection? And it does feel so overwhelming, just like you shared it feels like this big mountain that appears to steep and high and sometimes I wonder if I can even start to climb it, muchless reach the top of it. But Ringo one thing is for sure, we cant do it alone. We need each other.

Spending time with your wife, watching TV and things outside of the computer is awesome, and we want that for you too. But please dont stay away. Ya know i heard someone say once that no one ever asked them to come back when they were out there drinking or drugging no matter where or who it was, until they came in the rooms and someone told them to keep coming back.And to be honest, no ones ever wanted or even asked me to come back either until I came here.

And Ringo, I am saying the same to you, find the time ya need for the things ya want and need to be doing offline, but please, keep coming back.  Your not alone in this. We love ya and would really miss ya if you were to leave for good.

Miss ya already.

Kim

((((Ringo))))

You have made awesome progress in 41 days -- don't think you're not making progress, because you are.  Sometimes others can see changes in us before we can.

I completely understand your feeling overwhelmed right now.  It's easy to become confused with so much information being placed in front of you, and so many different experiences being shared.  But try to remember, you didn't get here overnight, and you're not going to get better overnight.

Are there face to face meetings that you could go to?  Can you find a sponsor in those meetings?  Maybe it's a matter of rescheduling the "time for yourself" -- take time to work on your sobriety during the day, so you can enjoy your sobriety with your wife in the evenings.  Budget your time so that you can get the most out of your new life, even if it means limiting the time you spend in chat.  A sponsor could help you to focus on what is important.

Whatever you decide, I hope that you will continue in the progress you have made so far.  I know it's hard to believe right now, but that inner peace will come.

Life is a journey -- not a destination.

The progress you have made in 41 days is awesome Ringo. You may not see it yourself but I sure do. The balance you are talking about comes with time. It took me a long time to come up with something that would work for me and my family. Even today I get carried away at times. But I some how manage to hold down a full time job, make 4 or 5 f2f meetings a week and spend  2 or 3 hours a day here in the Realm. On top of this I am involved in all the activities that my daughter does. The time is there, it is just finding the best way to utilize it.

I hope you decide to come back and continue to work on your sobriety. I care about you and it would make me sad if you didn't. But you have to do whats best for you. I'm here every night so if you want to talk come on into chat.

Larry

Sometimes you expect yourself to make giant leaps, when what you really need to do is take small baby steps.

Giant leaps make the stakes too high. Baby steps make risk-taking manageable and doable.

The next time you feel stuck or overwhelmed, see if you’re raising the stakes too high and expecting giant leaps. For example, if you want to learn to ride a horse, don’t expect to be jumping fences the very first day. You have to start with a walk before you can gallop.

There’s more joy in living when you are gentle on yourself. Small steps can lead to greater things, letting the soul lead instead of the ego.

Be not afraid of growing slowly;

be afraid only of standing still.

(((Ringo)))

Progress not perfection, hon.

love and hugs,

chelle

RINGO!!!!   41 Days without a drink! Think Man! When is the last time you have done that? I was about to go to bed and read your post! Come here man! I know exactly where you are! In order to have 10 years you have to have 10 years. Its all about over time, not overnight. You have done great thus far do not walk away before the miracle happens!

I was crazy at 45 days, crazy at 3 months. Then I got a sponsor and began working the steps and applying them to my life and things began to get better. Then I found a natural balance between recovery and life. I had no wife nor g/f and still have neither but that doesn't mean I had to be in the books and the rooms 24/7. I had to learn to live in a world full of people without the use of alcohol. It came Ringo, it came.

I know it seems impossible somedays, but it isn't my friend. A new world awaits you. One where there is iner peace and serenity and love and time to love. Love yourself, your wife and your new life. When was the last time you got on your knees, took her hands, looked in her eyes and told her that you loved her?  Try it my friend.

You can recover without her, but, you can not, if you are alcoholic, remain with her if your not doing the deal and returning to old ways.

Tonight I pray for you my friend that you step into the sunlight of the spirit and see what it is your HP has in store for you.

Namaste

Ringo, just incase you drop by and read this I wanted to let ya know I'm thinking about ya and hope your doing okay little brother. We miss ya!