Carol 
Trusted Servant
Grand Master MINION
Posts: 1074
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| 04/21/2007 2:35 PM |
 Alert
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The phrase “there are no victims, only volunteers” always elicits strong responses from those who either emphatically agree, or those who just as emphatically disagree. It has been said that , at some point, one stops being a victim and becomes a participant by enabling the situation to continue.
I thought I’d take a look at some definitions:
Victim -An individual who suffers direct or threatened physical, emotional, financial, or spiritual harm as a result of a crime.
Enabler -one that enables another to achieve an end; especially : one who enables another to persist in self-destructive behavior (as substance abuse) by providing excuses or by making it possible to avoid the consequences of such behavior
Participant - A person or entity that has a share or plays a part in the activities at hand.
So, based on those definitions, I am a victim if someone hurts me or takes advantage of me once (not necessarily criminal). I then have a choice to either to make it possible for the person to do so again (thereby becoming an enabler or participant), or to keep myself out of circumstances which would allow it to happen. I am reminded of a bartender friend of mine who used to complain bitterly that the drunks she hired to do work around her house took advantage of her, yet she kept hiring them, only to be hurt again. There‘s an old saying, “fool me once, shame on you…fool me twice, shame on me”, which makes the point that I am responsible for my own gullibility.
Compassion - Deep sympathy, concern for the sufferings or trouble of another or others, with the urge and willingness to help.
Sympathy - fellow feeling (sharing the feelings of others (especially feelings of sorrow or anguish))
I find it interesting that the definition of compassion includes action, while the definition of sympathy does not. In other words, in order to have compassion for someone, I do not need to know why they are doing something harmful to themselves, but I can express sympathy while attempting to help them. Sympathy, on the other hand, only identifies with the victim, and does nothing to get them out of a harmful situation. Compassion for a victim of child abuse would include action to help to remove the child from the abusive environment.
If anyone had asked me why I drank alcoholically, I could have given them many reasons…from genetics to all the emotional abuse I had suffered throughout my life. I had no self-esteem, and saw myself as a perpetual victim, without realizing how often I had put myself in the position to be victimized, particularly in relationships. My own patterns of behavior made me a victim, perhaps more so than what others did to me.
I have learned that I DO have a choice in being a victim. The more I think of myself as a victim, the more I remain one. I have been a victim, and today , I choose to think of myself as a survivor…I did what I had to do to stop the abuse I was suffering . Today, I no longer choose to give those who would abuse me the kind of power that would keep me a victim.
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Be the change you wish to see in the world ...Gandhi |
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