Please feel free to talk about addictions and their symptoms, find encouragement, information, coping skills, and solutions. Discussion of loss of a loved one and how you cope is permitted, without being explicit.

Discussion of coping methods for self injury are permitted, without being explicit. Explicit discussions can be triggering to other members experiencing those feelings.

Discussions or threats of suicide or self injury are not permitted.

These need to be directed towards a health care professional or a hotline to speak to someone trained for these situations.

We are concerned about your welfare, as well as the welfare of others in the chatroomsand message forums. Please remember that while our chats and forums  are a good space for mutual support and self-help, they cannot take the place of Face to Face Meeetings, your Sponsor, or your local Crisis Center.

If you are in Serious Distress, call your Sponsor, local crisis line, Emergency number, or a family member.

Befrienders - Suicide HelpLine

ok, I've been wanting to post here for quite awhile, but haven't since after reading what recoveryrealm posted I'm not sure what is ok to post and what isn't.

There are 6 posts here, 3 from clanmama and 3 from recoveryrealm.....they have been viewed 329 ..... and not a single reply (besides mine). 

SI/SA is an 'addiction', same as eating disorders, alcohol and drug addiction, sex addiction, work, gambling, etc., etc.  From this sentence that recoveryrealm posted....quoteendquote really limits one to what they can and cannot share.

It is ok to talk about wanting/craving to drink, how the alcohol affects oneself, the warmth of it going down, taking away any fears, insecurities (my experience), how when the drugs hit, the feelings of being able to do anything (my experience).  It doesnt seem to be ok to talk about how the physical pain of the knife or the fist against the wall eases the emotional pain (my experieI guess.

I'm just wondering why this forum is here if it cant be treated in the same manner as the other forums.

Ma'iinganikwe

(((((Ma'iing)))))

This forum is here for the same reason the other forums are here -- to help those in recovery from addictions to stay in the solution, rather than staying in the problem.

I think if you look closely at the other forums, there are not too many postings glamorizing alcohol -- how it feels when it goes down, how it makes one feel, etc. -- the majority of them state one person's experience with a common problem and the solution that they found.  These are coping mechanisms that we have learned through being sober.

Although I have not experienced the addiction of self-injury, it is my understanding (perhaps I'm wrong) that there is a great stigma attached to it, perhaps more so than alcoholism or drug addiction.  Perhaps that is why so few people have responded to posts in this forum.  Talking about  relief through self-injury is not part of the solution -- it is part of the problem.  It would seem to me to be more effective for those who are afflicted to find alternate solutions through the experience of others, just as alcoholics and addicts do.

I do not have a problem with what was posted by the site as guidelines for this forum -- someone addicted to self-injury could very easily hurt themselves to a crisis point by cutting in the wrong place or too deeply, and there is nothing the site can do to help them.  We can try to talk them out of it, just as we would an alcoholic or addict, but the chance of someone critically injuring themselves is very real here.  I think it is wise to offer crisis intervention.

There is a site about meth that does not show pictures of meth because it would be far too much of a trigger for meth addicts.  I believe this is a similar situation. 

This forum was created at the request of a site member and is for people who self-harm. It is also for families and friends, and for people who would like to know more about it.

Self-harm is not a medical diagnosis of mental illness but rather a symptom indicating that something is very wrong. Those people around a person who self-harms are often affected by it and can feel distressed and angry.

The stigma that has attached to self-harm means that society’s response is often instinctively negative. Sometimes even professionals who should be sympathetic and supportive are not.

Discussions of how you  feel or what you are going thru is permited. What we request is that you are not explicit with "graphic " details.

For example to say: “Personally, I think cutting
is a way of releasing emotions for people like me, who have a lot of trouble with crying and expressing emotional things. I personally find that I’ll cut if I’m feeling empty inside…cutting is a simple way of feeling real and checking if you can still feel.” seems  acceptable and enlightening.

But to say:  " I longed for the serrated edge of my utillity knife to  rip thru my  flesh and feel the blazing pain like a runaway flame. My flesh  stained with warm red blood. Clenching my fingers into a pale purple fist, I felt the agony that was far to great to be poured into sound."  a bit more graphic and details the event.

Our concern is , if the details are embelished upon, this forum will become nothing more than  "one upmanship" a place to post gore. The desire for  help and understanding will be lost.  It is also vital to be accepted and not judged or condemned and it is very important that someone who self-harms is respected for his or her own experiences and feelings. Talking through feelings and emotions  can help you understand why you sometimes feel the way you do. It can also help you look at practical ways of dealing with difficulties as well as helping you find better alternatives to deal with them.

Once again: If you have self-harmed and are in pain, are worried that you will not be able to stop the bleeding or feel that you may be about to pass out, or you have taken an overdose of any kind, dial 911 or your regional emergancy number immediately, or get a friend to take you to an emergency centre. There is no such thing as a ‘safe’ overdose, and medical treatment is important even if you feel well.

We do not wish to  underestimate or try to minimise how much distress a person is in. If you are suicidal this site may not be the best choice for you. Our members, admin and moderators are not  trained or equipped in dealing with suicidal individuals. If you were able to  find this site you are able to click on the following link to Befrienders - a suicide crisis website..

We wish  this to be a place for self Help. There is nothing like speaking to someone who has done the same thing. Being understood so deeply changes you. It removes a tonne of weight from your shoulders.

Eya', there is a lot of stigma around SA/SI, the same way there 'used' to be around alcoholis/drug addiction, and the same way there IS around mental health issues.  But, if people dont talk about those issues, the stigma just tends to grow.

Skye, I'm not saying anything about glamorizing SA/SI, that would be like glamorizing getting drunk or high.

My point/concern was after reading what was posted, not knowing just what is acceptable.  By saying "Discussions of threats of suicide or self injury are not permitted" makes it seem (to me anyways) that I can't even say....."I was hurting so much from the emotional pain of my mom not coming to my wedding, that all I could think of was wanting to punch a wall."

That was were reason for the post came about.  That statement is soooooooo encompassing that it doesn't leave much room to work with.

I haven't SA/SI in a few years, but the 'craving' raises its head, especially in times of great emotional pain - and it is a craving, a want, a 'need'.  It is an addiction, an addictive way to deal with that emotional pain, and needs to be talked about and treated like other addictions.

I use the 12 Steps for my alcoholism, my drug addiction (coming onto 15 clean and sober), my smoking addiction (10 years nicotine free), my eating disorder (haven't purged or binged in 7 years) and I use the 12 Steps for my SA/SI addiction.

Again, the reason for my response was not knowing what was 'safe' to say.  I have no intention in going into detail, but being able to talk about the feelings about/around it is important.

Miigwetch for your replies, I knew this post would get 'jumped on' and it did!  (and I don't mean in a negative way) lol  And it has started this forum going!

For those who don't SA/SI, it is hard to understand, but for those who don't drink, it's hard for them to understand why someone would drink themselves unconscious, drink themselves to death.  So, SA/SI needs to be treated the same way.  There needs to be discussions (without fear of being censored - except if going into 'details') and more people need to understand and become away of it.

Ma'iinganikwe

Kim,

Miigwetch for your reply!  It's a hard thing to admit to, but so was our alcoholism.drug addictions.

Remember, you are NOT alone!  None of us are!  I'm proud of you g/f!

Curious though, I got your reply via e-mail, but on the site there is only a 'period'???

Ma'iinganikwe

ahhhh... ummmmm ROFL Ma'iing! I got scared after sharing and freaked out and couldnt delete my post so I edited it taking everything out. I had no idea it could be read in email. Hummm, I thought even if you check the box below to be notified when someone replies that it would just tell you someone had replied and to go the the forum to read it. LOL. Well I guess I learned something new today. LOL.

Ma'iing, as you know, this site is staffed by volunteers, and everyone who participates has had experiences with alcoholism, drug abuse, or other addictions.  You are free to contribute your Experience, Strength and Hope in the areas where you have knowledge, and help to make the site more of what you would like it to be.

I truly do not believe it is an issue of censorship, simply a matter of trying to provide support for (as you pointed out) a disease that is misunderstood by many.  I feel certain that your sharing of your recovery from this particular addiction can and will help others.

You have obviously found alternative solutions to self-injury -- please share the solution so others may benefit from your experience.

First I want to thank Ma'inganikwe and Kim and acknowledge the strength and courage it took to place these posts.

It’s usually my nature to joke; especially when I feel discomfort, or to ease a difficult moment, and trust me I do not feel comfortable here on this topic. So if I sound unusually dower excuse me. I am trying to be very serious and respectful.

This is one area where I have more questions than answers and a deep desire for understanding.

SI/SA are addictions I did not get into as far as I can tell.

I do have a habit of slamming my fist into hard objects when my temper explodes (yes I am also in recovery for my rage addiction and still working on it) but for me it is the release of striking something when my emotions rise faster than I can manage them that is the root of it rather than a desire to actually harm myself or to feel pain.

I can also recall times in childhood where I did things to feel physical pain because the emotional pain I felt overwhelmed me. But I eventually learned to swallow my feelings and numb myself (with or without booze or drugs) or to act out violently instead.

In recent years I’ve come to understand that buried feelings don’t stay buried and that they must be faced, felt and accepted eventually.

But I have seen true SI addicts in action.

One of my stepdaughters and several of her friends practiced it for some time, (I’m not 100% sure she has quit).

There were moments where we lived in fear of finding her bled out or too badly injured. We went as far as putting her into a mental heath facility, but it did little good as she refused to cooperate with any form of treatment. We had to force a separation between her and those friends before the behavior slowed. They were feeding off each other’s mania over it and sometimes did seem trying to out do each other.

I also have several friends in recovery who SI. Some are recovering from it. Others I am not sure of.

For one it is often associated with psychotic episodes. So I am not positive it is the same with him as others who SI/SA.

To better understand those in my life who chose to do this I would… (“enjoy” is defiantly not the right word here!) …value reading what you have to share.

As to methods to break an obsessive/compulsive behavior… might I offer a few suggestions...

Kim’s rubber band has helped me through several by making me mindful of what I was about to do and that gave me the ability to consciously choose a different direction.

For me when I want to rage I often chose to instead take a few deep breaths and let them out slowly wile holding a proactive or at least affirming thought in my head like… “I do not have to do this. I can choose something different.”  “This will not make the situation any better. I can release what I feel in a better way.”

I try to talk out what I am feeling even if it is just with my HP or even the dog. Just saying the words “I am feeling angry.”  Or “I hurt.” takes some of the steam out of the moment and makes it more manageable.

If I can share with someone who understands I do.

I have journaled even if it is just a jumble of wors/prictures to express what I feel so that I can better understand and accept them.

I also do go to professional help and those I know who SI find help there if they can find a therapist who understands.

Last I want you both to know that there is someone here who cares. I understand the pain you might feel even if I do not share the Fix.

Your Brother in Recovery

hobie

Go to Alanon/ACA meetings (or AA/NA if appropriate or any other 12 step one) get a (few) good sponsor(s), work the steps to get out of themselves and the prison they have built for themselves and to evolve into the person God made them to become.

That would be a good start...

hobie

((((hugs)))) kim and Ma'iing

It never ceases to amaze me how much we are alike sometimes. I have struggled in the past with SI and I have never really talked about it.  I did this because I was so dead inside, I just wanted to feel something to remind myself that I was still alive.  Of course, I thought then that nobody does this stuff.  There is something seriously wrong with me.  And once again, because of this post, I realize that I am not alone. 

I used the rubber band thing alot.  (had one on each wrist lol ) and sometimes that pop would ease my racing thoughts to where I could sort feelings.  The journal was AWESOME for me.  I could sit with a pen and paper and rant and scribble and say anything I wanted to whoever I wanted.  Sometimes I would ramble on for pages, but it was such a release.  Personally for me, it was wonderful after purging anger and frustration on the paper to just take it and burn it.  It was a release of all that and burning it would take it away forever.  This worked (and still works) for me.  I haven't wanted to hurt myself for several years. The thought never crosses my mind anymore.  The pen and paper are my tools and then burning it purifies it and releases it forever.  I hurt the paper, not me.

love and hugs,

chelle

((((((((((( Chelle )))))))))))))))) I can so relate to the journalling and burning it later feeling, it really does work and I thank you for sharing as well. This journey truly is amazing isn't it, especially when we find out we are not alone !!!

Wow!  What an incredible bunch of loving, courageous, strong people!

{{{{{{{Kim}}}}}}}}  {{{{{{{chelle}}}}}}}  {{{{{{{clanmama}}}}}}}  {{{{{{{hobie}}}}}}}

Miigwetch wendaam *heartfelt thanks* for your honest sharing!