> Narcotics Anonymous Way of Life
> When It Gets Tough
>
> "Today, I will do what's right – I will be true to others, as
> with myself.
> And listen to those who know. I will help those in need.
> Because yesterday is gone, And tomorrow uncertain.
> I will live today, For today is a present to be fulfilled and cherished.
> I have hope in Today!"
>
> Addiction surrounds us with inaccurate and misleading information. In
> our active addiction, we believed and lived lies while the truth was
> hidden behind the fog of obsessions and compulsions. We get so used to
> the lies, we may still think they are the truth. As we settle into the
> path of recovery, we are endangered by complacency. We may surround
> ourselves with people who say yes to us even if we are wrong and they
> know it. We distance ourselves from the ones who might speak the truth
> – a symptom of drifting into relapse. We can drift away from people
> who really love and care about us. We may find their love and honesty
> inconvenient! It is hard to be bad to ourselves in the presence of
> people who would call us on our insanity. Distance making behavior is
> the primary evidence that we are headed for a relapse.
>
> Privacy and alone time are not isolation. Meditation and rest can
> nurture and strengthen us so as to continue progressing is our chosen
> path. Otherwise, we may get drug along by our disease into the very
> problems we have sought to escape. Avoiding people we need to see,
> interpreting everything people say to us and planning our day or
> meetings so as to deny these issues is a good way to stay sick.
> Identifying these issues could be our only chance to catch ourselves
> before the relapse process goes too far. If we are obsessing, a warning
> bell should sound. Even with someone who has been clean a long time,
> relapse can occur. When we stop doing the things that have been keeping
> us clean, we begin to slide towards relapse. It is almost like a
> magnetic attraction that affects addicts and draws us back to the brink
> of disaster. Recovery helps us realize we no longer disserve the
> punishments we put ourselves through.
>
> There are certain, proven things we can do that will help us preserve
> our recovery and resume our spiritual growth. The first is to recognize
> warning signs in our recovery such as: boredom, changes, arrogance,
> self-will, attitude or indifference. We may feel the meetings aren't
> so much fun anymore. We don't hear people sharing honest pain; it
> sounds more like whining. We feel critical where we used to feel
> compassionate. NA is not marketing or management. While we are
> spiritual, we are not religious as a Fellowship or Program. Many of our
> people are severely damaged and it takes years for some to learn certain
> social skills. Others may appear well and stay clean in a perpetual
> stagnation because they can keep people at bay by looking and sounding
> good. Each of us has a responsibility to work the 12 Steps of recovery.
> It is not ignorance that causes this, it is a disease called addiction.
> These good members don't use, go to meetings and somehow avoid working
> Steps. It is like a broken bone that is allowed to heal crooked. They
> may get good at being too busy to help others or go places with NA
> members. It may take great pain or tragedy to get them moving towards
> recovery again.
>
> For some, when the going gets tough, we look back to our earliest
> recovery. By re-living the success of our own early recovery, we may
> find the recovery process re-engaged. We write down and recall the
> things that really stand out in our memory from when we first got clean
> or first started feeling recovery in our life. Take enough time with
> this to get several distinct basics together that you can start doing
> again. Then start doing them. It may not work right away, but using
> these tools is almost sure to get positive results. If you went to many
> meetings, go to many meetings today. If you read recovery literature
> when you went to bed, read recovery literature when you go to bed. If
> you got phone numbers and called people, do that. If you went out to
> coffee several times a week after meetings, do that also. Back to
> basics, pray for peace, look for a key error or omission to remedy your
> feelings about recovery. Commit to 90 meetings in 90 days and read
> Chapter Seven from the Basic Text, looking for errors and omissions and
> developing recovery values through caring. We meditate on our own early
> recovery, recalling faces and conversations and bring them back into our
> lives. If you made notes or kept a recovery journal, this is a great
> time to go through it. The point is to make the reminder of prayer
> accessible, a hedge against the compulsion of complacency. We look for
> 1) what is my problem and 2) how can I correct it?
>
> Another thing that comes up is for you to look around in your life and
> try to find things that could be better. Is there something undone you
> should be working on? Is there someone you need to go see? Is there
> something blocking your progress that you really haven't dealt with?
> Get a grip on these things by writing them down if you are a writing
> person. If you like to `keep it in your head', that is fine.
> Just number the things. Make it less overwhelming by numbering. Try to
> limit your list to a few things. You are seeking things that have been
> irritating you and your spirit is telling you to deal with them now. You
> don't have to do this alone.
>
> Share what is happening in your home group. Let your sponsor and some
> sponsees know all about it. Share some of your lists with others to
> actualize what you are doing and get the emotional and personal support
> you may need to see it all through. Don't put things on the list
> that you are totally powerless over. Maybe put them on another list but
> not on the list of things to actually do.
>
> In many cases, the list will only point to things within that are
> unresolved and need to be dealt with there. In other words, the outside
> things are not important to us at all. We need to place closure on
> emotional issues. It is important to dismiss nagging thoughts. If you
> cannot act on them, don't list them.
>
> Recalling and contacting people we spoke to in early recovery will give
> us some folks to visit or telephone. Reading some books we read, or even
> going to see movies we saw in early recovery may also help us reawaken
> our hope and desire.
>
> Pray, really pray, for God to help you through your crisis. Write out
> your prayers, or recite the same ones in your mind. Some people can
> envision things with their eyes closed and that works for them. Other
> members are auditory and need to hear the words out loud. Repeat the
> prayers daily for a while, sometimes more than once a day. Some people
> write things on paper and tape it on the walls around their house or
> inside their car where they can see it going and coming from work.
>
> Our program is based on abstinence from mood altering chemicals. Among
> our numbers are some with medical problems requiring medication to
> alleviate suffering. Such medication isn't about getting high.
> Perhaps this seems inconsistent. For us to fail to recognize this is to
> deny understanding of the disease of addiction as being other than a
> specific drug. Addiction exists separate from any drug.
>
> It is not difficult to see an addict is using because of the obsession,
> compulsion and the need to cover up. Often, after working the 12 Steps,
> many member's conditions stabilize. They may no longer need
> medication. Other remain under medical supervision It is hard for us to
> determine these things for ourselves. When we try to determine
> what's right for others, we are even more powerless and apt to judge
> people harshly or impose what is right for us onto them. In NA, we know
> this can be life threatening. One thing we have learned - if you need
> medication and do not take it as prescribed, you are self-medicating.
> Self-medicating is using.
>
> When we acknowledge that the going has gotten tough, we can take actions
> to ease up on ourselves. Surrender works. Part of addiction is making it
> hard on ourselves. Admission of our 1st Step allows us to make changes
> and back off from things we are powerless over. Why does this feel so
> badly when it is good for us?
>
> In the early days of NA, it was common for some to see our way as
> insufficient, many assuming they could only find adequate sponsorship
> elsewhere. In the late seventies and early eighties, something happened:
> we discovered our greatest and primary resource in NA was clean addicts.
> We came together and remained in touch. We made the telephone part of
> our daily life. We pooled means of clearing habits that led to using.
> Addicts discussed a clean way of life and adapted to not using. We
> developed a "come early, stay late" process. Being the first to arrive
> provided an understanding that the meeting could not be there without
> our being there "for the meeting."
>
> Being part of the writing of NA literature gave many of us actual
> participation in the group conscience of the NA program. Recovery came
> from brewing coffee, setting out chairs and literature; then remaining
> to pick up gum wrappers, empty ashtrays, and stacking chairs. Doing
> chores provided a sense of community. WE experienced newcomers. Some
> came to be detoxed so they could use manageably. Some hoped to beat a
> case. Many had no idea what recovery might mean to them. Some shouted
> hallelujah at one meeting and had vanished by the next. Some died. Some
> made ninety meetings in ninety days and were able to keep coming back.
> This drew them into contact with the experience of a new way of life.
> God guided them through the experience of caring for the newcomer and
> found their own self-obsession going away. Within us occurred a shift
> from being around the program to being in the program. We came to
> understand what it meant to identify ourselves as "addicts." Recovery
> was not something we had, it was a feeling of belonging to a community
> of recovering people.
>
> When it gets tough to stay clean, we have many resources built up from
> years of recovery. Addiction is such a powerful disease; it will wait
> for any chance to lead us into active addiction. If this happens to you,
> do the same thing you would do if you fell into an open sewer, get out
> as quick as you can, any way you can. You don't have to stand for
> it. With all the pain and hopelessness we go through, we deserve better
> now. People will help you if you ask for help and so will God.
>
> LIST OF BASICS
>
> When we are getting clean and going to meetings, we pick up certain
> phrases and slogans that go with recovery and the clean life. While any
> list will be incomplete, we have compiled the following as a reminder.
> Some of these basics will be new to you because they become popular in
> another area. One of the benefits of travel in the Fellowship is to pick
> up some new terminology.
>
> Complete Abstinence_- Our program of recovery is based on total
> abstinence from all drugs. Almost all our members achieve this. We
> include among our addicts seeking recovery, members who have other
> problems and must take medications that alleviate their suffering and do
> not get them high. While in the intellectual sense, this may seem
> inconsistent; you have but to open your heart to their predicament to
> understand their pain. To not include them would be to deny the fact
> that, in our understanding, the disease of addiction is something other
> than the specific drugs. These people stabilize and many eventually get
> off their medications. Others may be on medication for the rest of their
> lives. It takes no great wisdom to tell when an addict is loaded. They
> don't want to go to meetings and they don't seek out the company of
> clean addicts in NA. Perhaps the love of God allows us to include them
> as members simply because of their desire.
>
> Money - It is all too apparent that money is a mood altering substance.
> Power can affect our feelings and conduct. Power junkies, food junkies,
> money junkies, sex junkies are terms we must come to terms with sometime
> in our recovery. If it were just the drugs, we wouldn't need the program
> to live clean. Once we were clean, we could stay clean. Our desire is
> the pointer and it directs our lives, one-way - or the other.
>
> One Disease - One Program - In the early days, it was not uncommon for
> our members to go to many places seeking recovery. Then in the late
> seventies and early eighties, something different started happening.
>
> Sponsor the Opposite Sex - In many of our smaller, growing
> communities, it was hard to establish, much less maintain, standards of
> conduct emphasizing our desire for spiritual growth. People on the path
> will fall prey to all sorts of mishaps, even in love. Talking about
> spiritual principles is not foreplay. Many of the emotions of heightened
> awareness and excitement make it easy to get sidetracked from recovery
> into the ordinary things of life. If a sponsor is a guide to principled
> living, then sex is no matter. If it becomes a matter, we need to be
> real enough to separate the two human experiences: the desire for
> satisfaction from the desire for a new life.
>
> NA Sponsor - There was a time when it was hard to find an NA member
> with more than a few years clean. Each one of our fledgling NA
> communities in the seventies and eighties went through a period of
> establishment as the dream of NA recovery became a reality. Members
> began to be able to draw on other members for strength. NA sponsors
> became more widely available.
>
> 90 in 90 - Ninety meetings in ninety days allows a person to contact
> and get to know other members over a sufficient period of time to
> experience the beginnings of some definite changes. That others really
> have had the exact same experiences and confusion we have had, sinks
> into our minds and hearts. We discover we care for some of these people
> and as we take an interest in their well-being, we begin to experience
> the loss of self-obsession. We get curious about the NA Way of
> Life and may begin to really work the NA 12 Step Program of recovery.
>
> Get involved - As we become more caught up in what members are doing,
> we discover feelings and attitudes that may have been sleeping in us for
> quite a while. We begin to care. As we shift our focus from purely
> selfish concerns, we actually make the inner movement from someone who
> is 'around' the program to someone who is 'in' the program. This is when
> we actually become involved in the program. We make commitments and keep
> them. We show up on time. We become known to other members and a part of
> our NA community.
>
> Stay away from the opposite sex - Early on, it was hard to tell what
> was meant by avoiding emotional relationships for a year. It sounded
> like well-meaning 'institution speak' for "don't get pregnant or catch a
> venereal disease while in our hospital, we're responsible for you!"
> Actually, considering we will die, that means everything gets messed up,
> even our sex lives! Putting time and energy into one thing can only
> occur at the expense of others. Get recovery first, then you can enjoy
> the other things in life without obsession or compulsion. Sex and
> emotional involvements produce endorphins and we can learn to 'fix' on
> love as easy as dope or money!
>
> No relationships for a year - Getting a year clean is a real event in
> the life of any addict! Consider if recovery were an obstacle course,
> would you knowingly throw rail road ties and concrete blocks along the
> pathway in front of you? Would you avoid doing homework and cut your
> exams in school? Would you keep your job if you took off three or four
> days a week? Almost nothing has as much power over our emotions,
> self-image and pleasure circuits as a romantic relationship.
>
> Don't pick up - Making 'not using' an option short-circuits most of the
> disease's power over us, at least for a while. While this may seem
> like 'conditioning' in some negative respect, it is actually
> 'conditioning' in its best respect! If we feel crazy, we substitute
> going to meetings, visiting members, going to NA dances and functions,
> or reading recovery literature. Substitute almost anything for using.
> Don't use. Really! Relapse is not a requirement for membership!
>
> Get and use phone numbers - Our greatest resource and the primary
> service of NA is clean addicts. Staying in touch by phone or internet
> makes recovery part of our daily life. Quickly and naturally, we find a
> way of clearing away habits of thought that might lead us back to using
> and discussing clean ways of looking at life. This is how addicts can
> adapt to living without using.
>
> Come early/stay late is something many members miss out on. If we are
> never among the first members to show up for a meeting, we get the
> association that the meeting is there for us without us ever being there
> for the meeting. Help set up a meeting regularly. Then stay late to help
> clean it up "better than we found it." You will never really feel a part
> of NA unless you do these chores. Those who get involved with their home
> group and become so involved they are among the first members to show up
> at the weekly meeting get a deep sense of involvement. Watching the new
> members come in and the rounds of exchanged greetings, gives us a real
> sense of the fellowship. Staying late and helping with the clean up also
> deepens this sense of being a part of the NA Fellowship.
>
> Leave our meeting place better than we find it.- This basic has helped
> us enjoy a great range of meeting places. It speaks well of our validity
> as a recovery program and makes us experience the positive feelings of
> being responsible at the same time.
>
> Pray in a.m. for Help - When we get up in the morning we ask our Higher
> Power to help us stay clean, maintain conscious contact, guide us and
> give is the strength to deal with what comes up.
>
> Pray in p.m. and give Thanks - Before I go to bed at night, I thank my
> Higher Power for another day clean, for the loving and caring people in
> my life, for carrying me through the day, and all the gifts that were
> given.
>
> Help another addict - Making and keeping commitments reflects growth of
> our character. We learn to become responsible starting out with small
> commitments and build up. We congratulate when we do it right.
>
> Home group involvement - What it is and why it is - Showing up early and
> staying late to clean up, participating in group, and letting people get
> to know you better. Keeping your home group informed is like recovery
> insurance.
>
> Group conscience meeting¼not business meetings¼attendance at must-
> We define and maintain an atmosphere of recovery by discussing concerns
> that might affect our group. We want to be stable and attractive.
>
> Listen and take direction¼follow it, too-Pray for the willingness.
> Listen and take direction from sponsor and/or members who know you well.
>
> Share in every meeting¼ at least the first 3 to share to insure no
> bullshit-to establish and maintain our connection to N.A.
>
> Get with the oldtimers and the newcomers - Newcomers will sometimes
> amaze you and give you the solutions. As one member shared: An old
> timer told me to dump about using a medication to get through an MRI at
> meeting with newcomers, and the newcomers at the meeting helped me.
>
> Give out and get phone numbers - Men for men's phone numbers on
> meeting list, and women for women. Get with a person not of your sexual
> preference.
>
> Get to the meeting early - Helps make you feel a part of with other
> members in a way that is impossible to foresee and provides
> identification with N.A. Lets other members know you're serious
> about N.A. You also have the opportunity to set up the meeting and
> learn about group service.
>
> Go out after the meeting for coffee, food, visit another members'
> house along with other addicts - get to know other addicts and allows
> them to get to know you. Cheaper than treatment!
>
> Fellowship with all - Thank God there is still a thing called the coffee
> pot. Teaches us to have fun without the use of drugs. Dances,
> spiritual retreats, conventions, picnics, all give us new memories and
> help us develop positive associations.
>
> Get into service structure - to give back what was so freely given to
> you. Maintain services beyond what individuals or groups can do alone.
>
> Serve the home group - Setting out literature, chairing, making coffee,
> greeting the newcomer, attending business meetings.
>
> Read any and all literature about N.A.-ie; Basic Text, How it Works,
> Service Manual, Step Study Guide, Little White Book.
>
> Go to out of town meetings – Traveling should become a part of your
> recovery at some point. While it may not be important right away, there
> comes a time when we need to be in touch with the `greater NA.'
> This is where we deliberately travel to a distant convention or retreat
> to participate in Narcotics Anonymous and hear what we hear back home.
> There is a magic to realizing that the same message the same words are
> spoken by such a large group of people dedicated to recovery.
>
> Support struggling groups/meetings – Often in recovery, you will
> find yourself at a plateau and feel there is something missing that you
> cannot put your finger on. One of the things we have learned to do is to
> take a look at the meeting schedule and do some driving. We find new
> phases in our recovery by the people we meet. We hear the familiar
> statements from unfamiliar faces and suddenly we get a whole new
> outlook. If you have never deliberately tried this, it may be your
> answer. Be sure that you respect the core group that keeps any meeting
> going. They will want to know you are a member by hearing on some level,
> your pain and your desire for recovery. This combination of pain and
> desire is what makes us members.
>
> Start new meetings - There are many times when the best thing that can
> happen is to start a new meeting. This keeps smaller meetings available
> and breaks up gatherings of `old buddies' or cliques that may be
> unfriendly to `outsiders' or new people. This is how we practice
> our societies enrichment.
>
> Do local PI/H&I work – Providing these group and area services lets
> us reach into the community and institutions to make our recovery
> available. Along with a certain comradry, we get to experience first
> hand seeing an addict who has never been exposed to NA become
> interested, enter the program and get recovery. Sometimes, it is years
> later that someone comes up to us and say, "Hey, thanks! You really
> helped me back then."
>
> Stay away from people, places and things that might get you loaded –
> In early recovery, it might seem unkind to stop calling, visiting or
> maintaining contact with out old playmates and playgrounds. Getting a
> new life involves getting into a new setting and picking up new ways of
> doing things that simple can only come to us by example.
>
> Watch out for indirect obsession – When we are busy running from
> crisis to crisis, it is hard to sit down and look at what we have been
> doing. We can fall into traps and create situations that may be hard to
> see at the time. But we addicts seem to `fall' into a hobby,
> recreation or sports so totally, that we don't see the
> repercussions. Like a Dad may avoid his family, feeling guilty for the
> past when all that is needed is simple presence and honest feeling.
> Children know when we care. A deer hunter may find that time in the
> weather results in back pain, which results in pain meds, which results
> in relapse. Adapt. Don't go out without proper clothing or if the
> weather is too bad. Mom's have their shopping, hobbies and get
> togethers that may create imbalances. Do it, but just don't make
> another ##$@ obsession out of it!
>
> Don't act out on feelings – Feelings can trigger us to start making
> moves that reflect more where we come from than where we are at today.
> We may feel threatened or angry at a person or group without really
> knowing why. Just taking time to sit and think it over helps us avoid
> rushing into making mistakes that could have been avoided by simply
> waiting. Acting out on feelings can cause us to hurt people who
> don't deserve it and gives our disease a spawning ground for
> trouble.
> Make a decision... where you gonna serve – Service is a big part of
> recovery. Service helped NA grow in a few years from a tiny Fellowship
> with no literature and few members and meetings into a world wide
> Fellowship. Contact your sponsor every day – There are as many
> ways to sponsor or be sponsored as there are members in the program. And
> what we need today may change. Just because you have never done this
> does not mean you can't do it now. Sometimes a person is going
> through a change and the extra contact is necessary. Other times,
> contact may be limited and still the relationship is there and strong as
> ever. This is not a matter of right and wrong. Right is whatever works
> today and wrong is what not longer `does it' for us.
> No major decisions in the first year – While this may not be
> possible, it is still best to slow down our `choice making'
> until we have become more adjusted to living clean. There may be times
> when the choices we make are not for the best and getting locked into a
> major purchase or committed relationship may hold us back rather than be
> a step forward.
> Don't do anything without talking to your sponsor first – This may
> not be for everyone, or for every time, but if we are going through
> something serious with the potential to really mess up, it is a real
> substitute for stumbling blindly forward. Write about your feelings
> – It clears your head and helps you make better decisions to be able
> to write out what is going on inside. Especially if it is something
> different and you are having trouble sorting out what you really feel or
> need to do. It is mentioned here because many members don't write
> out their feelings and it adds to their confusion. The chance is that no
> one has recommended that they do so yet.
> Stay for the whole meeting - A full meeting is from the opening prayer
> to the closing prayer. Surrender is a big part of how we get clean and
> stay clean. We have seen members jump up and leave the meeting early or
> without saying what's on their mind. This can devastate your
> recovery by creating the illusion that no one cares about you – yet
> you are not telling them, so you are leaving them in the dark.
>
> Don't leave during the meeting - You might miss something that will save
> your life. Leaving the room to make extra trips to the bathroom or smoke
> can be a way to interrupt what is going on in the meeting. If you find
> yourself doing this, even if you don't stop right away, just think about
> how simple things we hear in meetings play a huge role in making OUR
> lives better.
>
> Put up newcomers – You might want to think this over or ask other
> members to tell you exactly what they do. Do not leave cash laying
> around. Do not leave someone you don't know well in your home while
> you are away. Do not give them a key. Try to know a little about them
> and their background. This is how some members work their 12th Step
> – but it is a serious matter and should not be done lightly.
>
> Give people rides – The state of mind we have when giving people
> rides allows them to say and hear things that might not otherwise come
> out. Many times others have helped us get to the meetings. It feel s
> good to repay their kindness by passing it on to others.
>
> Go that one extra mile - Stay on the phone one extra minute – A good
> practice is to try to listen to what a person is not saying along with
> what comes out of their mouth. We use language to cover up what is
> happening with us as well as feel out others in the parts of life where
> we are embarrassed or uncertain. Frequently, it is what we say at the
> very last that brings out what is actually on our minds. If we practice
> this, we may be amazed to find someone who has been talking for a half
> hour or more, telling us what is really troubling them in a few minutes.
>
> Speak in language that reflects the NA way of life – Our society
> has evolved a special language that deals with the things we need to
> communicate in recovery. Some words take on different meanings or
> connotations. Other become key terms in our recovery language. Some
> become very specific. Surrender, Faith, Amends, Inventory, Principles to
> name a few.
>
> Read the meeting readings – If you don't read easily, you can
> read Who is an Addict. But time and practice may make it easier. Some of
> our members never read aloud before coming to NA. We also may help a
> person with reading glasses if we have them or ask if they feel like
> reading something instead of just throwing down a reading in front of
> them. It is also good to be able to pass the reading to someone else if
> your eyesight is really bad or if a member is having a really tough
> time. Reading it is like hearing it on a different level. If you read
> well, yet never take your turn reading, you are leaving yourself out.
>
> Speak after 90/90 - As we grow in recovery changes take place below
> the surface. Members who have done ninety meetings in ninety days tell
> us about the changes that take place. We become accustomed to having
> other people who know us well. We are able to see and feel how other
> people live. Gathering each evening for a meeting replicates gathering
> for the evening meal which has always been part of humanity. Speaking
> puts us before our fellows and we are often surprised at what we share.
> Speaking may help others, but it first helps us.
>
> Speak on your anniversary – One nice thing about NA, is there are
> few hard and fast rules. In some groups, it is customary for the person
> celebrating to share what their last year clean has been like for them.
> In other groups this never happens. But we are free to speak if we feel
> the need or it is a group custom.
>
> No drug-a-logs – Talking, thinking, planning, connecting are all
> part of a pattern. If we slip into talking about our drug-a-log, we
> begin to leave out recovery and this can be dangerous for us as well as
> some of our listeners. We all know how to use, what we need to hear
> about is recovery. A monolog is one person sharing. A dialogue is two or
> more sharing. A drug-a-log is a disease sharing.
>
> Don't give therapeutic type feedback in meetings – While this will
> always occur on occasion, we are not a therapeutic treatment program or
> an extension of one. It is natural for people who come into NA through
> treatment to carry the language and attitudes they have picked up along
> the way. A skilled NA group gently gives them our way of life without
> embarrassment or unnecessary interruption. Praise in public, criticize
> in private is a good rule to follow. Yelling at someone for violating a
> Tradition, likely violates a Tradition. In almost all cases, getting
> with them for a few moments after the meeting provides the setting to
> explain why we don't feedback in meetings, cross talk, use
> terminology from other programs, etc. during our meetings. Learning days
> also help provide a time and place to share the NA way of doing things.
>
> Don't make comments after people share – While I have been to
> meetings long ago where this was the custom, it has been displaced so as
> to not water down what a person says or evaluate it like a therapy
> session. It is not meant to prevent open discussion but to support open
> discussion where you share what you have and I share what I have. Our
> disease is characterized by isolation, this kind of sincere listening is
> usually a learned ability.
>
> Don't chair a meeting like a therapist runs group therapy – We are
> not a paid professional program but a living program of recovery. We
> don't set ourselves up to control others. We do not have all the
> answers and try not to voice opinions on outside issues. Many times
> someone comes in through treatment and thinks that how it is in NA. So,
> we learn to gently let them know how we do it in NA without being harsh
> or embarrassing them in front of a group.
>
> Gotta give it away to keep it - When we are trying to help someone we
> care about, our memories seem to reach back further and bring to the
> front of our minds the things others told us that helped. It is like
> those things were put in our memory differently. When we do this giving
> it away, we get the benefit of vividly recalling not only what was
> shared with us but the feelings of gratification and surprise that the
> program really works. This has proved to be a major source of spiritual
> strength in ongoing recovery. So, when we have so many toys and demands
> on us that we can't take time for others, it is good to remember
> that without recovery, all the other stuff just disappears.
>
> Willing to go to any lengths to stay clean – Funny thing about this
> one is that when we are willing, things work out so that we don't
> have to do much. But when we are unwilling, simple things take longer
> and longer. We forget that the spiritual blessings of recovery are what
> makes our lives different. Perhaps it is the disease of addiction or
> only human nature, but we seem to forget where the blessing come from: a
> sincere surrender and access to a power greater than ourselves.
>
> Do things we don't want or like to do – Especially when it comes to
> spiritual growth, the part of us that has been holding us back will
> throw up a last ditch effort to keep control by preventing us from
> finding out about how easy it is to learn better ways to live and do
> things. Our minds and bodies may be sending signals. "No, it's
> too much. I don't want to try anything else new. I am not going to
> say I'm sorry and look bad. I'm not going to stop taking calls
> from my old `friends.' Honesty will just get me in trouble."
> There is another old saying, "Argue for your limitations, and they
> are yours forever."
>
> Attend group conscience meetings on a regular basis – Attending
> group conscience sessions is just part of being an active member in NA.
> For many, this is the first time they have been a part of a positive
> group of people. As you become accustomed to having a say in group
> business, it may help you become more responsible in other areas of your
> life.
>
> Go around the room if needed so people will share – When we attend a
> service learning day, there may be a section on how to lead a
> discussion. We enjoy great flexibility in NA. We can make changes in
> group format easily. Depending on our usual crowd, we can have members
> share at random, as they are moved to do so. If we start hearing from
> only a few who seem to like to talk, going around the room in either
> direction is one way to give an attending member a chance to qualify as
> a member by stating they are an addict.
> Fill all of the meeting/group trusted servant positions - Letting one
> of two members do all the work is unfair and may leave out the most
> important person needful of help – ourselves. Support other NA
> meetings in your town – As we become more a part of NA, it is up to
> us to get out there and support our local meetings.
> Doing something good for someone and not telling anyone that you did it
> - Like insulation in a radio receiver, silence keeps our good acts from
> shorting out by becoming known. Doing a good thing for recognition lends
> an air of insincerity to it. When we are the only one who knows, it may
> occur to us that we are the most important person to have a good opinion
> of ourselves. This is because we are in such a strong position to treat
> ourselves well or poorly.
> Live in the here and now - Yesterday is gone and tomorrow's not
> here yet. The more we can do and get out of today, the better our
> tomorrows will be and the sooner we'll realize the past is behind
> us.
> Keep the focus on yourself – If you're messing up, I'm in
> trouble. What can I do, I am powerless over you. If I can find something
> I can to better or less often, it gives me leverage to make things
> better. This is why NA is called the `self-correcting' program.
> Share your strength, experience, and hope – While this is often
> heard among NA's, it may be hard to do at times. We have to wait
> until a person is ready for help before we start trying to help them. We
> spend much of our time doing our inventory and interacting with our NA
> friends. But we try to stay away from preaching, making rules for others
> and playing big shot. Be there for someone else, even if it is
> just to listen and not speak – After meetings, on the telephone or
> at a coffee shop, we may find ourselves slipping out of our
> self-obsession long enough to realize someone is using us as a sounding
> board for ideas on how to live. They may have pain or joy and not really
> know what to do. By letting them talk it out, they may find themselves
> developing their own answers, in a way they could not have done alone.
> When listening, it may help us to pray to be used as an instrument.
> Also, we may need to remind ourselves to listen rather than plan our
> next great statement! Feelings pass – This can be a real
> stumbling block, even after we have been clean a while. Many times we
> get caught up in something that reminds us of a past event and can
> quickly bring back all the shame, guilt, disorientation and adrenaline
> based fear. Just by being calm and `doing nothing' we find that
> the moment passes, the day passes and we are looking back on what
> happened with no real change in our situation, it was just the feelings
> that were tearing us up. The time we take with one another gives us
> someone to walk us through these things, and then we help others walk
> through their upsets. Live in the solution, not the problem –
> While is may seem surprising, looking for a solution makes some problems
> just disappear. We become accustomed to being treated fairly and when a
> problem does come up, we may take the attitude that by dealing with
> what's in front of us, we will eliminate toe problem from our
> future. For some, being happy may just be a habit!
> THREE MUSTS - 1. Don't take anything, go to a meeting, and talk about
> how you really feel. 2. Call your sponsor, not your connection, it is
> cheaper. 3. One step a year, you'll be alright; after 12 years, make a
> decision. Happiness comes from the inside, not the outside.
>
> Say the serenity prayer – Saying this prayer helps us bring the
> program into our daily lives. As prayers go, this one seems to cover
> more ground than most!
> Do you want to be right or do you want to be happy? – Most addicts
> have a fear based obsession with being right all the time. Many of us
> find after a while that it really doesn't matter that much and take
> a more relaxed, even curious, attitude towards begin right. Now, being
> happy, that is something worth spending your time on.
> Carry a meeting list with you at all times - We learn to structure our
> lives to allow for recovery. If we have a list with us, it is much
> easier to find a meeting if our car breaks down or we are stuck in a
> strange part of town.
>
> Exchange phone numbers – From the beginning, we develop habits that
> make is easy to get in touch with one another. Care may be given in
> large groups where it is better to make sure someone is known to the
> group before giving a stranger your number. There is almost never a
> problem at smaller groups.
>
> Circle an entire week's worth of meetings on a meeting list for the
> newcomer, and suggest that he/she attend one meeting a day.
>
> Find somebody to listen - We get relief from sharing honestly about your
> feelings, even if you are not yet ninety days clean. This is especially
> important if you feel like using drugs or if you are having compulsions
> to steal or act out violently, and if you are feeling angry, fearful,
> and/or otherwise suffering. It's important!
>
> These things kept me coming back:
>
> 1. Recovering addicts suggested to me that I plan out which meetings
> to go to throughout the week, to find meetings that felt comfortable,
> and stick to those meetings.
>
> 2. Recovering addicts offered aftercare, providing me with
> transportation home and showing concern with what my activities would be
> after the meetings.
>
> 3. Recovering addicts showed total acceptance and tolerance for my
> problems and concerns; thus, helping me feel valued and worthwhile.
>
> 4. Old-timers were willing to provide productive suggestions
> as to what to look for when trying to find a sponsor. One suggested that
> I might find a temporary sponsor, and that if everything worked out, the
> temporary sponsor could become my permanent sponsor. Another
> old-timer suggested that the group could be my temporary sponsor
> until I could find a permanent one.
>
> Disease Concept - Addiction, as a disease, negates the idea that each
> drug used entails a different approach to recovery. The idiosyncrasies
> of each drug used may vary; but, recovery is a simple and unified path.
> Abstinence is mandatory to initiate and continue this process. The urge
> to differentiate one's using and consequences thereof serves no purpose
> but to diffuse efforts towards recovery. Wasted motion for recovery can
> kill. Concentration of our endeavors toward recovery insures our
> survival. The process of recovery is slow and tedious. Distraction from
> this focus is similar to our active addiction's compulsion to avoid
> reality by changing our playgrounds and playthings.
>
> If I go after recovery like I went after the drugs - The single-minded
> search for drugs can be the most glaring example of our disease. This
> same energy directed towards our spiritual growth and ongoing abstinence
> can be the practical application of actions and ideas learned or
> developed in active addiction, now transposed to positive results.
>
> We make NA our priority to stay clean. Put the same effort we used into
> getting high to stay clean. Made NA the most important thing in our
> life. NA comes ahead of girlfriends and boyfriends. Maintain a humble
> and honest job, going out with people after the meeting, getting
> involved in NA service committee- especially fun things like
> newsletters, special events, making cookies and goodies to bring to our
> home groups. Our families and real friends who care about us will see
> the change in us and will encourage our positive obsession in the
> fellowship. Some may not understand, and we do not need to explain it to
> them, because only we know our happiness and despair of active
> addiction.
>
> What comes around goes around – The notion of karma is deeply
> embedded in our culture. While getting little `official'
> attention, almost everyone believes in spiritual reciprocity. If you do
> good, it comes back to you in some form. Bad acts place a cloud over our
> heads. In recovery, we offset this effect by helping others.
> What you give is what you get - Sometimes it is easier to do the right
> thing if you realize that there is a pay off or a `cookie' that
> will come your way eventually. Being good and doing the right thing is
> not always easy for us.
> What you put into it is what you get out of it – If we want a lot,
> we give a lot. Since there is a possibility that we won't get back
> all that we have given, we can stack the deck in our favor by doing more
> than our fair share.
>
> We are the only ones who can be responsible for our recovery and do
> anything about it. – This is a super-basic of our NA 12 Step
> recovery process. We learn that by finding something we did wrong, even
> if it is something small, by doing it, the whole situation can become
> balanced in a favorable direction. It is a way to find hope.
>
> Surrender is the key - Surrender is going from the losing side to the
> winning side. Surrender is not losing, it is not joining the losers, it
> is joining the winners. Surrender to the disease that wants to kill you.
> Surrender to the fact that your best thinking got you headed for jails,
> institutions and death. Surrender to the fact that life is simple;
> addicts make it complicated. Surrender to the fact that as an addict you
> have a progressive, incurable, fatal disease.
>
> Change - For addicts seeking recovery, it is nice to remember that
> change is a part of life. The great thing about life is that we can
> always change things about ourselves, the way we take what is given to
> us- we can change the way we perceive the world. The serenity
> prayer is a nice way of getting grounded and stepping back. If we are
> willing to surrender to the things we cannot change and move on, we will
> be part of the solution. For newcomers, it is important to try to do
> things differently. To try to get off the beaten path and try new ways.
> Our old ways kept us sick, trying something new could be something that
> opens part of us that previously had been closed. Honesty,
> open-mindedness, and willingness can help us to have the courage
> to do things differently. If we get stuck in a rut, we can pray for the
> willingness to be open-minded.
>
> Never Alone - As addicts, we tend to rely on ourselves most of the
> time. But it is this same self-reliance which feeds our disease
> causing us to perceive our world as manageable and generally O.K.. But
> under the foundation of denial, our spirit burns like an underground
> oil-well fire: quiet, seemingly calm, but eventually bound to
> erupt causing great damage. It is important to do what we can to seek
> the help of other recovering addicts for anything we do or require
> assistance in. This way, other recovering addicts can share their
> experience, strength and hope in a most personal and convincing way.
> It's a win-win situation.
>
> Inclusiveness, not exclusiveness - We are all the same. The disease
> affects us all. We want to isolate and exclude ourselves with our
> differences and uniqueness. Our idiosyncrasies are often aspects of our
> disease, or drug induced aberrations of our personalities. The common
> ground of addiction eliminates a "pecking order" or "rank". No one of us
> is different when our disease brings us to surrender.
>
> Basic Living - We could not live and enjoy life as others do. Taking
> care of ourselves was a struggle. Small things were put off until they
> became massive and impossible to deal with. The day to day routine was
> so boring. Yet taking care of our needs seemed not worth the effort.
> Today we can take the time to attend to the basic things in life that
> lead to a sense of manageability, cleaning the bathroom, dusting, taking
> out the trash, etc. We regain the abilities that we once used to live in
> the real world. The pressures of addiction often overrode our command or
> realistic attitudes, ideas and emotions. Recovery gradually allows us to
> change into real humans, not just look like them.
>
> Carry the message not the addict - We are messages of hope. Our actions
> speak louder than words. An addict shares, "A friend had relapsed,
> which I believe is a sign of asking for help. I had to confront him
> about it. It was painful to do, but I told him I knew he was using, that
> it was bound to surface. I could see the death and despair of addiction
> in his eyes. We told him we'd been there, and that NA had saved our
> lives. We encouraged him to go to the nearest and next meeting. That's
> the best place for a relapsing addict. The power of the group works
> miracles. That's where our strength and focus come from. I pray for
> people who are hurting and then anyone who comes to my mind--
> which is funny, because quite often the people I'm resenting or jealous
> of or afraid of come up in my prayers, too, and I'm at ease. The desire
> and willingness to recover will change; it is different with each
> addict. I believe my best moments are when I'm grateful or surrendered
> to a commitment in service." We see clearly when this gratitude is
> put into action. Unconditionally loving our members (no matter what),
> forgiveness and empathy is what helps us recover. This miracle is our
> answer. We can recover. The hardest thing is asking for help.
>
> Dealing with feeling tired, miserable, and uncomfortable can really be
> challenging. There are things we can do to get through these periods in
> recovery. Getting enough rest and eating properly may help. Listening to
> other recovering addicts share their experience, strength, and hope can
> provide insight for us; and, perhaps, also give us what we need at that
> moment. Hearing other recovering addicts say that in recovery they
> learned how to get through difficult times, can give us hope that we can
> do the same. Staying clean, no matter what, gives us the opportunity to
> figure out what will work for us when we aren't feeling good. Staying
> clean in spite of our negative feelings and attitudes will gives us the
> opportunity to have real change occur in our lives. Gaining perspective
> on what we really need can be achieved by us like it was for others.
> Complaining can only put us in a place of lacking and insufficiency.
> Gratitude is the antithesis of this, and gratitude can keep us clean.
> Having gratitude for the things we want as well as the things we have
> can ease the suffering created in our desires.
>
> Be an active listener - Don't just try to get your thoughts out, but be
> there for someone else's need. Be open to what they are saying and
> accept it or not accept it and talk about it then. Harboring past
> conversations takes me away from the day.
>
> Live in today - in thought and action. I find that if I cannot do
> anything about a given situation, because the opportunity does not
> present itself today, then I better save myself the anguish of the "what
> ifs" and focus on what is before me at the present time. This also
> includes re-living past situations (resentments) which I have been
> unable to let go of. The re-living of painful situations brings
> to light the destructive, self-defeating aspect of the disease of
> addiction and I need to talk about it and find out what other members do
> when presented with this. I need to get humble and get the help by
> asking for it.
>
> Talking with other addicts before or after a meeting or just when you
> find yourself wanting to talk to someone who has some life experience
> with addiction is a great help. Sometimes, it seems, that when your
> thoughts become burdensome and/or you are having trouble making an
> important decision relating to work, relationships or life in general
> and you still need to cope with the "straight world", sharing your
> thoughts with another recovering addict can be vital to your mental
> health. This is why it is suggested in the literature to obtain phone
> numbers of other recovering addicts and use the phone numbers. As
> addicts, we sometimes feel awkward about reaching out and calling other
> addicts for help if not just to talk out of boredom. But this feeling
> soon passes once the addict on the other side of the phone line answers.
> You'll find that very often that that addict is relieved and happy that
> someone actually wants to talk to him/her. Both parties benefit from
> such a reaching out. Remember that the same brain that motivated your
> actions when coping dope on the streets or wherever is the same brain
> that is unable to sometimes make decisions in your best interest. Call,
> share or write to other addicts in recovery. Bounce your thoughts, ideas
> and feeling off of them. It will help them as well as yourself. And soon
> you will be on a good path .
>