Welcome, newcomer!

Whether you are a newcomer to recovery, or a newcomer to online recovery sites, I hope these suggestions will help you .

I feel reasonably qualified to post this , as I am a relative newcomer with 3 ½ years of sobriety, and I would like to share some of the things I have learned (sometimes the hard way!) that may help you in your journey.

1. Online meetings (here or on other sites) are no substitute for face to face meetings, but they are a wonderful supplement. The human, social interaction of a face to face meeting is imperative to the recovery process, in my opinion.

Most of us have isolated ourselves so totally either by choice or by alienating our friends and family, that we no longer know how to function with others. That was certainly the case with me -- I was terrified of going to my first meeting, but I was met with such a warm welcome that I gradually became comfortable.

Online meetings are a godsend for those who are unable to attend face to face meetings due to incapacitation or remote location.

2.This site, and others, provide a great opportunity to express your thoughts in chat and on message boards and blogs; however, the anonymity of the keyboard can cause some people to say things they would normally not say in life offline.

This is sad, but true. It’s hard, but try not to take it personally -- remember that if someone feels it necessary to use a place of hope and inspiration for attacks on others, it speaks more about them than about you.

3. Stick with the winners -- much harder to do online than offline -- how do you tell the winners? Well, for me, the winners consistently post and express messages of experience, strength and hope that may be of value to newcomers and oldtimers alike. There are those who “thump” the Big Book, there are those who boast of their many years of sobriety, and there are those who claim life is all sunshine and roses.

Let’s face it -- not all the answers are in the Big Book, time alone does not make quality sobriety, and sometimes, life just sucks.

Just as in life offline, the winners are those who face adversity with grace and dignity and who truly “practice these principles” in all their affairs.

4. Online or offline, there are those known as “13^th Steppers” -- those who would take advantage of the vulnerability of a newcomer. Guard yourself against these predatory types by limiting the amount of personal information you share.

Monitors are available in chat to assist you , and there is an “ignore” feature in chat that you can use if someone is bothering you -- actually, having the ignore feature is almost better than life offline -- hard to ignore someone who is hovering over you offline!

5. Whether online or offline, I personally do not believe that a 12 step program is “cafeteria style” program, where one takes what they need and leaves the rest. It certainly isn’t recommended to do only some of the Steps! I believe that the atmosphere of the room and the participants can contribute as much to a newcomer’s success or failure as the program itself.

This site has been designed to provide a safe haven for those in recovery to share their problems, their successes and their dreams.

I hope others with more experience will add other suggestions that I didn't think of.  

I am proud to be a member here. I hope you will enjoy your stay with us, and look forward to getting to know you.

Thank you for those good reminders Carol.

Our biggest goal here is to keep everyone safe. I know we can do that with the wonderful team and members we have here.

I support the idea of face to face too. The warnth of a smile or hug can do wonders for us alkies when we are down and out. 

One bit of advice I give to every new comer.

Get a little note book and a pen that you can carry in your pocket. At every meeting you go to get a name and phone number (guys get male numbers and vice versa!) Then call them!

Even if all you say is "Hey I'm... and I met you at... what's happening... how's this recovery thing work... how's it work for you...."

After a while you'll find folk you can talk to and eventually folk you can run with... eventually they will become the family you can grow and live with.

I know this for a fact. It worked that way for me and for the guys I've sponsored that stayed sober (I can give a long list of those who did not do it and are not sober)

hobie

very good stuff.  for me, i love these online meetings because i can go as often as i like during the week, but i really enjoy the face to face people that i can see and touch.  where i live, it is a little difficult to get to a meeting as often as i want, so i come here.  i do my best to get to a face to face at LEAST once a week, sometimes more.

love and hugs,

chelle

Here is the on line version of my advice above.

If you find someone here you enjoy chatting with get their e-mail address and post them.

I currently have ongoing dialogs with a few people through my e mail that I have meet here and my other on line group (aamen).

I also find that I tend to share a bit more freely here and come out of my shell a bit more.

For me this on line recovery is great because it's here when I need it or I have the time for it.

Hi Chelle

I agree with the face to face but this site is awesome for " off times".  I love your pic of Marilyn, I am a huge fan.

Trace

Words I was told

"If my drinking career had been all that wonderful I never would have found the rooms of AA." 

What this means to me an anyone new to the recovery process is this the faces around the rooms though smileing today once were just as beat up, broken an brusied.  They are not there to judge or look down up you me or anyone and think none the worse of us for the chaos an insanity that brought us here.  The only thing I could do was put my fears aside an just do it cause by that point I was ready to go to any lengths

He's is one thing that might help you get past your fear of your first meeting.

Call your central office (the number is probably in the phone book) and ask if they could have someone go with you to your fist one.

I'll grantee you will not walk out that door alone, unless you want to. I'll also grantee that after you walk into that door you'll never have to be alone again.

But there is nothing says you have to walk into it the first time alone.

BWT... I'll be with you in thought, spirit and prayer.

hobie

Funny, Bri -- I was thinking the same thing about the smoking meeting!  Patricia, where is this meeting?? I may consider moving!!

Seriously, you can certainly ask for a non-smoking meeting, but since decisions are generally made by group conscience, and the majority appear to be smokers, you may not be successful.  Please call your local Intergroup office and find out if there is a non-smoking meeting close to you.  Perhaps the meeting could be held outside if the weather permits -- there are a number of options, but you don't know until you ask.

As a newcomer, it's important that you hear the message in the meetings.  If you cannot concentrate on what's being said because the smoke is irritating you, perhaps it's best to find another meeting.  There may even be other non-smokers who would like a meeting -- perhaps a new group could be started.

Failing any of these alternatives, please find a sponsor among this group, explain that the smoke bothers you, and see if they would be willing to meet you in a smoke-free environment to help you work the steps.

We alkies are good at finding reasons/excuses for not going to meetings, not working the program, etc ... don't let smoking become your excuse.

By all means, ask one of the women who "seems to have their act together".  Tell them you're reading the Big Book and you'd like to get started working on the steps.

Again, if you run into an obstacle with finding a sponsor in this group, there are bound to be other groups, perhaps with more women, or women with more time.  Keep checking out meetings until you find what you want.  Your Intergroup office can help you find the kind of meetings you are looking for.  Maybe a non-smoking women's meeting?  There are lots of possibilites.

Keep up the good work!

First things first... I gotta beg you guys to quit using the tiny font!

I have to cut and paste it to Word and knock it up a few sizes to be able to read it! (Kid me about my age and I'll whack you with my cane )

On to the more serious stuff. Pat, Finding a sponsor is not like getting married. You can try one and if it does not work out try another. You can even be like me... I admit I am a sick puppy so I usually have more than one.

There is also the possibility of an on line sponsor. I do sponsor a couple of guys on line and am in contact with one of my sponsor's more via e-mail than by phone or face to face (even though we only live 15 miles apart. I also had one gent who was an on line only sponsor for me right until he passed.

In the old days, before there were 1,000's of meetings many folk were sponsored via the mail.

"If you want what we have and are willing to go to any length to get it..."

Congrats on the progress you are making!

hobie

Pat

To do the old "C&P" trick I:

1 Open MS Word (or another Word Processor) in another window.

2 Open and log into the Realm (or my e-mail or what ever else I need the help with) in a second window.

3 Highlight the text I need enlarged then Right click inside the highlighted area and select 'COPY' (or just hold down Control and hit "C" as a short cut)

4 Click on the word document in my task bar to bring it back up.

5 Right Click on the empty document and click "PASTE" (or hold down Control and hit "V" for the short cut.

That should give you the text in your word doc. You can highlight it to enlarge it (I knock it up to a 12+ font) and under the "View" option you can zoom in.

The quick and easy way to clear your word doc is to hit the "Go Back" option one or two times (Control + "Z" is the short cut there)

or

If you find the words of wisdom here worth holding on to you can alway option to "Save As" (I've got a folder for AA material and another for my personal journal)

Now If you want to type in larger fonts with color and the happy faces, little 's or other goodies select the "Add Comment" option under the box instead of the "Quick Reply" one. This will take you to a screen with an HTML (I think) editor that will let you do all kinds of fun stuff like import graphics and add links to other sites.

Play - have fun!

I hope I helped.

Feel free to contact me through the link to my email on the Profiles Page (I think you double click on my Avatar, (in my case my Yin/Yang Tao Tseu The way of rebirth) symbol to the left of my post and it should take you there).

Your Brother on the Road to Happy Destiny

hobie

Patricia,

I agree with Hobie that online sponsorship is a possibility, but my personal feeling is that there is much to be gained from a face-to-face relationship with a sponsor for those who are able to  attend face-to-face meetings.

Besides the human element of facial expressions and a physical hug when you need it, there is also a factor of availability.  If you find yourself in crisis, where you want a drink so badly that you don't know what to do, it's much better to pick up a phone and call your sponsor than to send an email and wait for a response.

As I said in the original post, online meetings are a wonderful supplement to face-to-face, but they are not meant as a  replacement.  Any of us here will be happy to help you in any way we can, but we are not always immediately available.

I urge you to find a meeting environment in which you are comfortable,to listen to the women who share to find the person who has what you want in sobriety, and ask if they would be willing to take you through the steps. Also, get telephone numbers of other women you can call for those times when you need help.

All of us here at Recovery Realm will be happy to support you on your journey to sobriety.  Feel free to ask questions, attend our meetings, and join us in chat. 

PS -- Hobie, is this big enough????

I sponsor online as weel as face to face.  I currently have one of each type of sponsor/sponsee relationship. That is my limit, two. Otherwise I can't give the time needed to them, nor to myself.

It takes some willingness to do things differently, but it is doable. I prefer to only sponsor those online that are limited to online recover for whatever reason. Notice I did not add to those reasons their refusal to attend face to face.

My online sponsee and I talk more than my face to face sponsee, both on the phone and in email.  I believe anything can work, it all depends on our willingness!

I was not saying I just wanted to have a online sponsor only,  I just feel I am ready to proceed and no one at my face to face has got my interest just yet.  If I can move forward online, I am willing. 

and While I am willing I might as well admit this,  Today is my (marriage)  9 yr anniversery and I'm not going to lie, I'd like to go set with my husband in a nice restuarant and have a drink but I won't because, I want to be Bigger than that, I want to be rid of this stupid feeling of associating relaxation and celebrations with a drink.

You All have helped already more than you know...... Thank you.

I will keep my eyes open at my meetings for a sponsor.

P.S. Hobie , ole' dummy here figured it out finally. thks.

Thanks

Patti

First - Thanks for the larger fonts - I and my eyes appreciate it!

Yes, I agree that the face to face sponsorship is the best way to go.

There is nothing that can replace that "human touch" found there. The personal relationship I have enjoyed with Scott, Kevin, Charlie and all the others guys that have been my face to face sponsors over the years has had a lot to do with my growth in recovery.

One thing I have found with my on-line sponsorship is that I take more time to read and think over their input and take more time to compose my thoughts in my reply.... Funny thing, Scotty my "#1 Sponsor", kind of came to the same conclusion. So we do a lot of our recent communications that way.

One thing I find is that many of the folk I meet on line take their recovery a bit more seriously than many I meet in F2F meetings. Probably because it take a few more steps to get on line and type out your thoughts than to just sit in a meeting room. But that one's just my opinion.

hobie

Carol thanks so much for this post!  I know back in 1999 when I got my first computer, and was looking for online recovery I was scared.  For me, it turned out that my Higher Power had a plan....as always.  I came to trust a group of folks I found online.  There were many ups and downs back then with the site I found.  One of "the winners" you talk about created a new chat site for us, and for a few years it worked well.  Today, another one of "those winners" has created this site!  I feel at home here. The meetings are awesome!!  Online recovery is in addition to my face to face AA meetings.  I have a sponsor and home group here were I live, I travel alot, and this site is great for picking up a meeting when on the road.  I know I can count on "the winners" here to save my life if need be.  Don't drink today, pray, go to meetings on and offline.  You guys are WONDERFUL . 

LOVLEE

Thankyou Hobie  for telling me how to enlarge my print.I would also like to thank Carol for teaching me some important things to keep in mind when I use this site. I need to back up a bit and let others make some choices of their own I think.Humbly grateful Tom

Hi .my name is B ill. 1st. time ever online.I like the quote from Ghandi and thats why i picked this mess. to reply to .anyway , have no idea what im doin could some generous drunk help this "onliner Newcomer" god bless,,Bill

Bill

The only thing we take seriously is sobriety

and that we take very serious.

Don't be afraid of questions, exploring the site or making a mistake... if ya break it Skye will fix it!

Hope to see you soon in the chat room.

hi im new to this too not sure if im doing this right or not but nee to talk too gdn09007@yahoo.com

Thank you so much for sharing. It is going to help so much Im new to all off this and a little lost. think I will   try my first aa in person. But will be online aswell.  Thank you

JUST WANT TO SAY 'AAmen' to ALL THE ABOVE MESSAGES AND ADVICE...

LOVE YOU ALL      HDMerry ;)

The Internet offers some of the greatest resources for finding information on substance abuse and recovery. Articles, books, movies, blogs, online, off line meetings, treatment centers and online chatrooms for fellowship. The resources are vast.

Like never before the addicted have an infinitum amount of knowledge and solutions at their fingers tips. Deciding on the treatment option is your only obstacle.

One of the most common feelings for those suffering with addiction issues is that they feel isolated and or other people can not possibly understand what they are going through.

Did you just say yes, yes that's it exactly!

In fact you don’t believe that anyone else can truly understand the dispear you are going through, the demons that you are dealing with everyday, or what it’s like to be in your situation, to walk in your shoes.

Sadly yes, in the real world for many substance addicts, this is indeeed the case. How can people who have never suffered from any kind of substance abuse fully understand just how difficult it is on your existance on your life.

Sharing life experiences is one of the most effective ways for you to realize that you are not alone in your recovery. Understanding that others who have come before you have gone through similar things is often an eye-opening and awakening experience.

For indivuduals who are feeling both physically and mentally isolated in their addiction, online substance abuse treatment and fellowship that work in group settings can often fill a void. The internet connects you to others in ways that were just not possible by foot or automotive vehicle. There is nolonger an excuse not to reach out to a helping hand.

Undeniably, substance abuse treatment is a process that requires steps and each step will ultimately bring you to recovery and the beginning of the rest of wonderful clean and sober life. But it is up to you.

Though powerless over your addictions, you are far from powerless over the decisions you make to conquor those addictions.

There is help all around you if you are but willing.