SURRENDER
"I attended a meeting where there was a newcomer sharing about letting go, of 'turning it over.' 'What does this mean?', he asked. And all around the room, the old timers all looked at each other as if to say, 'You want to field this one?'
"Truthfully, surrender is one of the most profound personal experiences that exist. But sadly, not many truly ever experience a powerful, spirit cleansing surrender. Maybe it's because even though we want to let go of certain ideas, behaviors, and situations outside of ourselves, we rarely ever surrender. The pain must be great, even unbearable, before we surrender that something is bothering us.
"What we surrender to when we come into Narcotics Anonymous is a powerful program of recovery. We get here in pain, and we surrender the disease to recovery. Later, when we have had some time in the fellowship, we discover that there are other things that we must surrender, things that are causing us nearly as much pain as using. For some this has been relationships, for others this has been behaviors, but the one thing that rings true for us all is that we must continue our path of recovery, or we will use drugs again. Continuing down this path involves doing the same things that we did in the beginning; looking at ourselves to see where we are in recovery today. Often, after this self- examination, we find that we are not where we want to be in recovery, that we want to be 'more recovered'. This is when our ego begins to reassert itself. It is at this time that the pain of change begins. It can be said that this pain is not necessary, but many of us have experience that it is. Without awareness, we cannot change. Without pain, we would not know joy, or serenity. Our pain is necessary for our individual, and collective growth. And yet we hear in our meetings, 'You're right where you're supposed to be,' when we share this pain. The truth is, we are right where we are supposed to be. Through sharing, and obsessing over our personal problems, we learn that we get exactly what comes as a result of obsession: pain. It is then that we learn how to surrender because it is necessary for our survival as recovering addicts. We learn how to surrender by experiencing our pain, and it becomes easier as we walk down the path of recovery. Our level of pain that we can take becomes less and less, and we surrender quicker each time. By surrendering to this new way of life, we are finally able to learn that it takes each of us to help each other to the spiritual principle of surrender. We each have times when we are unable to see what we need to do next. That is when we reach out to our sponsors, our meetings, and the fellowship. Invariably they will tell us to 'keep coming back', and ' don't leave before the miracles happen'. Then one day, we realize that the miracle they spoke of was our own recovery, having grown by surrendering our will."
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