It seems to be a good a place as anywhere to post.  I am new to recovery sort of.  I have been actively addicted to cocaine and pot for about 6yrs.  Previous to that time I had periods of use of many dif. things but never thought of myself as an addict.   I know now that my perception was wrong and I really have always been an addict.  I am really a scared 13yr old girl on the inside (even though my physical age is 43) who has been bathing in hell for a really long time and needs some help to come out from the dark.  I have some really serious issues with the idea of a HP and giving over my control and power.  Someone on the chat gave me the idea of "fake it till you make it".  And so to me this is my start of a conversion if you will to a HP in my life.  I need to make concrete steps towards this. So I will give thanks and ask for help from the universe and hope that my prayers will be answered in the form of understanding and more hope.  Thanks for reading my post and hope you are all well.

BF bandit aka Patti

           Patti,There right fake it till you make it. Your Higher Power can be your own will to make your recovery work,you are the one in control of it.If it doesn't work at first try  again.Get out to NA meetings,stay and listen,share if you want,meet new people ,they may offer help.They know the way there all addicts.Most of all don't give up on yourself.