Availing Yourself of a Sponsor from Living Sober Pages 25-29

Not every A.A. member has had a sponsor.  But thousands of us say we would not be alive were it not for the special friendship of one recovered alcoholic in the first months and years of our sobriety.

It’s usually better if men sponsor men and women sponsor women.  This helps avoid the possibility of romance rearing its lovely head – a development which can hideously complicate, if not destroy, the sponsor-newcomer relationship.  By trial and error, we’ve discovered that sex and sponsorship are a very bad mix.

Whether or not we like what our sponsor suggests (and sponsors can only suggest; they cannot make anybody do anything, or actually prevent any action), the fact is that the sponsor has been sober longer, knows pitfalls to avoid, and may be right.

An A.A. sponsor is not a professional caseworker or counselor of any sort.  A sponsor is not someone to borrow money from, nor get clothes, jobs or food from.  A sponsor is not a medical expert, nor qualified to give religious, legal, domestic, or psychiatric advice, although a good sponsor is usually willing to discuss such matters confidentially, and often can suggest where the appropriate professional assistance can be obtained.

Sponsors have been “there”, and they often have more concern, hope, compassion, and confidence for us than we have for ourselves.  They certainly have had more experience.  Remembering their own condition, they reach “out” to help, not down.

Someone has said alcoholics may be people who should never keep secrets about themselves, especially the guilty kind.  Being open about ourselves helps prevent that, and can be a good antidote for any tendency toward excessive self-concern and self-consciousness.  A good sponsor is someone we can confide in, get everything off our chests with.

It’s agreeable when the sponsor is congenial, someone who shares our background and interests beyond sobriety.  But it is not necessary.  In many instances, the best sponsor is someone totally different.  The most unlikely pairings of sponsor and newcomer sometimes work the best.

Sponsors, like most everyone else, are likely to have some family and job obligations.  Although a sponsor will, on occasion, leave work or home to help a newcomer in a real bind, there are naturally times when the sponsor is truly out of reach.

Here is the opportunity for many of us to use our reawakening wits and figure out a substitute for a sponsor.  We can try to find a nearby A.A. meeting.  We can read A.A. literature or something else we have found helpful.  We can telephone other recovered alcoholics we have met, even if we don’t know them very well. And we can telephone or visit the nearest A.A. office or clubroom for A.A. members.