Hi, My names Al and I am an Alcoholic and an addict.

I will keep this pretty brief as I don’t want to drone on an on or bore ya to tears. I just wanna let you get to know me some for now……..more as time goes on.

I am 37, work as a computer tech, but my biggest passion is my old cars and motorcycles.

My last drink was Feb 12 2007, that night I tossed away 2 years of sobriety. That has been my routine for years, get time, throw it away, repeat.
I started young, and it was an instant love. I felt as if I did not fit in with any groups in school, had a few friends, but was not popular. 

Alcohol was my instant good feeling creator. I loved to drink. Also learned about weed, that was great. Everything was funny. Started drinking/smoking at around age 14. Was the summer between 9th and 10th grade. I had acceptance too, the group of friends I made were all partiers. Almost immediately I was a blackout drinker. I always wanted more, more, more.

I partied steadily from age 14-23. Not always everyday, but as much as I could. Never really held down any jobs for a long time, had relationships, friends and such. Had good times, and bad times. Along with alcohol and weed I got into other drugs too. However in that time, a lot of drugs would quit giving me the desired affect, and I would stop them, however alcohol always gave me the desired affect.

I knew early on the way I drank was probably not normal, I did not really care but I knew something was up with me. There were plenty of blackouts, plenty of trouble and plenty of fun too. At around 23 I was tired, tired of the hangovers which got worse, and tired of not remembering what I did. Believe me I did a lot of stupid stuff drunk too. Think the acid, mushrooms and coke accelerated my progression too. I was also quite the complex individual to be around, friendly, funny, miserable, moody controlling, jealous, angry, hated the world, loved my friends…..went through a bunch of relationships, they all usually were ended by the girl.

I stopped one day. Was influenced by my then girlfriend to stop. It was rough because I really wanted to continue to party. She had been involved in AA. Went to a couple-few meetings. Thought everyone was nuts. That was 1991.

Started a pattern of not drinking for a few days/weeks, than binging for 1 night or weekend, than not drinking again. I would drink with a vengeance, when I drank, and after a few embarrassing incidents with friends, I started drinking alone. I continued that pattern until the holidays of 1994. I went to a rehab, 28 days. Got to learn a lot, about the disease, recovery, support and options.

Got out, got into meetings did great for a few months, slacked off on meetings, ended up repeating the binge drinking pattern. Usually alone, in the woods, in my car, or by a fire. Felt then I could trust no one but myself, and of course I knew it all. The progression was worse. Hangovers were worse, emotions were worse.

Around march of 1996 I got back into the meetings, got a sponsor, got serious, got busy. Picked up commitments. Started making friends in recovery. Also went back to school. Was pretty lucky because things really fell into place for the most part. Stayed out of relationships for a while too then.

Celebrated 1, 2, 3, 4 years. Worked on the steps. Got through a lot of rough stuff, deaths being the worst. Got a good job, got a second job too.
 

May 2000 got into a relationship with a very sweet girl. Was on top of the world. Everything I wanted came true. However I made a big mistake. I slacked off and then stopped going to meetings in 2001. was ok for a couple years, but in 2003, around the fall I had went from being happy, to being a miserable prick. I ended up binge drinking again.Goodbye about 6 years of sobriety... Was more pathetic.Loved it when i would drink, that would last aan hour or 2. as I would drink,i would start to feel freaking awful, and not do it again for months. the hangovers killed.

The relationship ended in fall of 04. I had not binged since march of 04, but did little else to improve my life.

I was alone and in a bad space in my head. Early in 05 I started going back to a meeting. A friend from the rooms always kept in touch. She brought me back around. I felt better, but it went slower than before. Late 06, early 07 I started getting more serious in the rooms. Started sharing more and applying what I heard more. Felt much better.

Feb 12, 07 I binged again. The only reason I can say I did this time is I let the alcoholic me out again. I just wanted a break from myself. Whatever, right? I just did not do what I was supposed to do, ask for help. That night was a disappointment because I just could not drink/get drunk.

Within the next week after that I dove back into the rooms,  and am willing to go to any lengths right now. I hit a meeting most every night. Over the past few years I was lucky not to loose my job/cars/motorcycle.

I did loose a lot of myself, or better yet buried myself behind so many walls no one could get in. I am craving the happiness I had before in sobriety, and I listen intently in every meeting. I have a sponsor, I have friends, and am making more. I am taking it a day at a time. I try to read a daily meditation each morning.

I am not perfect, but I am progressing.