My recovery story is pretty boring but it's the only one I have. The only way to liven things up would be to go back out again and I don't think I will bother.
I was raised in an alcoholic home as prolly a lot us were. My dad was sober when I was very young for 5 years. I remember my brother and I going with him to the church when he would put on coffee and set up the tables.We'd go home and mom would go with Dad cause she would catch the alanon meeting while Dad went to AA. We got to stay with my uncle who would always spoil us with fudge or popcorn. Unfortunately my Dad ended up going back out tho I don't really recall that. When I was about 18, Dad sobered up for good.
I attended many open meetings and roundups with my dad. Sometimes I would hear a speaker and I would cry and ask my dad if he thought I was an alcoholic. He would always say, " Honey, you are the only one who can answer that"
Well , just in time, I realised I was far too young to be an alkie lol. And look at all the knowledge I had about alcoholism. It would never happen to me.
I carried on with drinking. The loneliness and desperation I felt during those years was something only another alkie can understand. I thought that once I fell in love, everything would be perfect. WRONG.I fell in love alright. Always with the wrong guy, someone who drank or did drugs , didn't have a job. Maybe married. Oh but I would save him or he would be happy with me cause I loved "him" SOOOO much. Good lord. I met my first husband when I was 21. When I look back now, I realise I married him cause my younger brother had got married and I was feeling bad cause I wasn't yet. Poor guy, he was a really nice man, but I didn't love him and of course it didn't work. While I was married to him tho, is when I reached my bottom. We had gone to a party and naturally I had had too much to drink. He went upstairs to bed and I sat in the dark in the living room and bawled my head off. How could my life have turned out so far from my childhood dreams? Drinking, cheating on my husband, loneliness, despair. I hated who I had become. I had had it.
The following Monday I called my Dad and asked him to take to a meeting. When we walked in, a woman who knew us all well, took Dad aside and asked what he was doing bringing me to a closed meeting. He told her to think about that for a minute lol.
That was June 10th, 1985. In the first year I did everything I wasn't supposed to do. I left my husband, moved in with my mom and dad, changed jobs, moved into my own place and started seeing someone from my past. My ego followed me into AA. My ego told me that what applied to others didn't necessarily apply to me. HA. I didn't give myself a chance to get to know ME. I see that now. I married that man from the past and ended up having 2 boys. Sobriety hasn't been a bed of roses ,tho I was sure it would be. I suffered for many years from depression. I had no support from my husband cause he didn't try to understand mental illness and felt I was just lazy. Some meds would help but only for a short time. My husband became verbally and mentally abusive and that really wore me down. After some time he became physically abusive and that was it for me. Tho I was still suffering from depression, I knew that living that way, with fear always, was no way to live.
I ended that marriage and bought a townhouse for myself and the boys. I really went into a deep depression after that tho I thank God and the program for giving me the strength to do what I had to do. I was off work for 1 1/2 years on Long term disability. In the fall of 2003 ( I think lol) my doctors decided to try meds that were successful with being BiPolar. Within 3 weeks I felt like a new person. Omg I couldn't believe the difference. I really haven't looked back. I sometimes get blue days but not like I used to.
I love AA and the people in it. I love the strength it gives me. The hope and joy that I get when helping newcomers. The friendships I have made. I have been blessed with some very special people in my life. Everyday I am grateful for those people. Everyday I try to do what God would want me to do tho I fail often. I know I am His child and He will never let me down.
Melanie
DOS: June 10th, 1985
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