My drinking began when I was 13yrs old and went for only the relative short time of 11yrs, but i certainly drank like I had been doing it for 40yrs.

I came from an alcoholic home and a violent one at that. The only people in my life growing up were dysfunctional, insane or plain lunatics. Even though i had vowed to never drink like my father did, when it came to crunch time I dismissed any notions that alcohol would ever be a problem to me because I would have control of it, so I thought.

At 13yrs old I foundmyself escaping the insane household into the local pubs. I hated the taste of beer but loved spirits mixed with coke. I also loved the environment that seemed so happy and carefree. Initially my drinking would consist of getting drunk and waking up with a hangover, no big deal. But somewhere along the line things started to change and I would end up in places that I didn't know how I got to.

I also began to experience dangerous situations where I was at risk of being seriously hurt or injured. Despite the threat I brushed this off and resumed drinking as I had never really connected the idea that my drinking was to blame. I had watched all my friends from school leave school, get jobs and buys clothes, homes and cars in which by this stage I was incapable of achieving these things.

I had dropped out of school and stage exit left into a pub and that was where I had remained. As my drinking progressed my standards grew lower and lower until eventually the unacceptable became the acceptable. My appearance had gone to hell. I was never asked out on a date but then again why would you I was the date from hell. I had parties where nobody turned up or I would attend parties where I would be asked to leave. I got kicked out of numerous places over the years and thought nothing of it.

It was all their fault as far as I was concerned. Thus begun the geographicals, moving from town to town and never fitting in or causing a riot somewhere, always wondering when it was that I would find my thing in life. I had in the later stages of my drinking begun to become quite violent, always lashing out or suffering from a chronic case of verbal diaherea.

Until in 1987, one year after I had met and married my husband I had found myself hitting a severe rock bottom. I was treated by a doctor who was a member of the aa fellowship and he told me exactly what I was dealing with. I had struggled with a lot of what he had to say because I was so sick that I could not digest what he was saying.

Needless to say I found myself at my first aa meeting where I was greeted at the door by some very kind people. They certainly didn't look like alcoholic to me, but then again I had no clues what one looked like with the exception of the bum in the park. These people showed me what human kindness was for the first time ever in my life.

I often say it is a poor reflection of society that a person has to go to aa to find out what human kindness is. I did the best I could with the program, but sobriety was to be elusive. I didn't understand that I had to go to meetings on a regular basis, not every so often as I thought.

When it came to any moral inventory I balked because I thought to myself, why the hell would I do something like that, why do you think I am drinking? I achieved very little but a king sized resentment and of course relapsed. I was to not to return to aa until 1989 in which case the lash of alcohol had changed my stand on what I was and was not prepared to do.

If they told me to hop on one foot then so be it. One day at a time I learn to work the program and to put one foot in front of the other.

That was over 18yrs ago. I have maintained my married for over 20yrs and raised a child in sobriety. I have so much to be greatful for and they tell me the best is yet to come. I love being sober, and I never thought I would ever say that.

God has done for me what I couldn't do for myself

fibiray