Well I'm trying and trying.  I haven't gone to meetings because my last four year sobriety bout I couldn't get a sponsor and I stopped going to meetings and stayed sober.

Now I'm four years drinking again and boy am I getting myself in trouble.  I may be just feeling sorry for myself, but I drunked out again last night and my fiance is mad and punishing me with accusations and the silent treatment.

I'm trying and I know I do this to myself but he is not making it any easier.

Any words of advice?  I don't even want to go home because I know he is going to make me feel worse.

Vee

Hi Vee, my name is Kathy, and I'm an alcohoilc.  I also had some sobriety then relapsed for 5 years.  My sober date is now 3-30-04.

Please don't take this wrong, but when I stopped TRYING, and started DOING, things started to change for me. It was when I became 100% willing, that I was able to once again get some sobriety in me.  That's worked for me for almost 5 years now. I had to be openminded, willing and honest.

I know about guilt. For me, the guilt and shame I had helped me to stay out for those 5 years. It was also pretty easy for me to look at, and blame, the way others reacted to my drinking for keeping me drunk. I wanted to hide as well, I just hid in the bottle.

My hope for you is that you call and find a meeting and go there with an openmind to what is available to help you start to recover. You don't have to live in guilt and shame, nor do you have to live waiting for the next shoe to drop (so to speak).

I hope to see you in our chat room here, or especially one of our meetings

Hi Vee!

I thought I could quit drinking on my own, too -- I can't begin to tell you all the times I would vow to quit, just to get drunk yet again.  The only thing that worked for me was AA.

You don't have to do this on your own -- there are lots of people here and in the rooms of AA who are willing to help you, if you are willing.

I do hope you will try again with meetings and finding a sponsor -- perhaps you are more willing to do whatever it takes to get and stay sober this time.

I hope you will visit us in chat and our meetings!