Hi, I'm whats, a recovering alkie.  i thought it would be a nice thread to find out what each one's first meeting was like.  If nothing else, it will help me to recall mine, and since I'm available here and now, I'd like to share...........

My last drunk was not much to write home about.  I just recall the remorse and the guilt mainly.  Along with thinking "I simply cant stop on my own no more", feeling hopeless, I had my spouse call  Central office of AA.  I did a mapquest and decided after the  hangover, on the following day I would 'try' this one more time, if it didnt work, fine, at least I could say I tried.  After having been in AA for a few years many years ago, I had went back out.  No real mystery there, I am just pretty much the normal alkie, stopped meetings, etc...for those who have been there, you understand, and you hear alot of the same thing.......I stopped praying, going to meetings,etc...

The next day rolled around and with mapquest in hand, off I went.  I found the place okay, and I was so out of it, going into the meeting there was no fear at all, that I can recall.  Just the fear of, what if 'it' dont work?  Well the it is me....now i see that.  I found a table 2 rows back because I do remember from yrs ago, find a seat up front and put your ears on.  Sad to say, I dont recall the topic, but the day I went was on Nov 9, so it was based on the Daily Reflections.  As they went around, I intro'd myself, said I was an alkie, heck I knew I was, I couldnt stop, so surely I had to be one of them?  A woman came and sat next to me, and she gave me her phone number, she had written it on stationary that was religious in nature.  She smiled, I mustered the best half hearted smile i could.  The one thing that stood out in my mind?  The CHAOS...thats right, I said chaos.  This meeting had some old timers in there, and they had no qualms about telling each other and the new ones How it is!!!  I remember thinking "I've arrived, thank God, drama too? Man it dont get no better than this".  They were cross talking and yelling at one another, and no i am not kidding this really did happen.  The sick part was, I liked it.  I waited to say the Lord's prayer, and out the door i went.  On the way home, I called my spouse.  "Honey I've arrived!  This is great! They yell and cuss and this is total entertainment at its finest". 

I kept going back.  I loved the drama.  The uncertainty, the yelling the laughter the cussing.

Ya know sometimes I've heard that the meetings were not real AA.  Not healthy.  But for me, I find it ironic that God, would send me somewhere where the ONLY thing that kept me going back was the desire to stay sober,  even in spite of chaos.  My sponsor says there are no bad examples in AA.  At first I didnt believe that, but having had time to think, I do believe that.  Now maybe many would say "What kind of example does that set for the newcomer?" Well, here is a true case in point.....If I want what they have, and am willing to go to any length to get it, I'll do what they do. 

Why bother posting this at all?  Well, I suppose for me, I need to share it.  I dont really know why as a matter of fact, I dont really know why I do alot of the things I do lately.  But thats okay for now.  What I will say is this, that meeting hall was filled with alot of newcomers, mainly those who came by on court orders.  But it set my foundation.  It taught me, that I DID have the desire to stay sober in spite of anything else.  In time, I got better, a little better, recently, I've wanted more growth.  I came here, and here is where I am finding my growth.  Here is where recovery is spoken, where I can be ME.  I still enjoy laughter today, just not at other people's expense.  And for today, I've found a new home.  It is here.  Thank you for letting me share, and I hope by sharing, I can let you in and be accepted as I am, the good, the bad, the ugly, and the funny.