DISCUSSION No. 1 - THE ADMISSION

The material contained herein is merely an outline of the admission phase of the programme and is not intended to replace or supplant:

a.  The careful reading and re-reading of the Big Book.
b.  Regular attendance at weekly group meetings.
c.  Study of the programme.
d.  Daily practice of the programme.
e.  Reading of approved printed material on alcoholism.
f.  Informal discussion with other members.

This meeting covers step 1.

This instruction is not a short-cut to A.A.  It is an introduction - - a help - - a brief course in the fundamentals.

In order to determine whether or not a person had drifted from "social drinking" into pathological drinking it is well to check over a list of test questions, which each member may ask himself and answer for himself. We must answer once and for all these three puzzling questions :

What is an alcoholic?  Who is an alcoholic?  Am I an alcoholic?

To get the right answer the prospective member must start this course of instruction with:

A willingness to learn. We must not have the attitude that "you've got to show me."
An open mind. Forget any and all notions we already have. Set our opinions aside.
Complete honesty. It is possible - - not at all probable - - that we may fool somebody else. But we must be honest with ourselves, and it is a good time to start being honest with others.

Suggested Test Questions

• Do you require a drink the next morning?
• Do you prefer a drink alone?
• Do you lose time from work due to drinking?
• Is your drinking harming your family in any way?
• Do you crave a drink at a definite time daily?
• Do you get the inner shakes unless you continue drinking?
• Has drinking made you irritable?
• Does drinking make you careless of your family's welfare?
• Have you harmed your husband or wife since drinking?
• Has drinking changed your personality?
• Does drinking cause you bodily complaints?
• Does drinking make you restless?
• Does drinking cause you to have difficulty in sleeping?
• Has drinking made you more impulsive?
• Have you less self-control since drinking?
• Has your initiative decreased since drinking?
• Has your ambition decreased since drinking?
• Do you lack perseverance in pursuing a goal since drinking?
• Do you drink to obtain social ease? (In shy, timid, self-conscious individuals.)
• Do you drink for self-encouragement?(In persons with feelings of inferiority.)
• Do you drink to relieve marked feelings of inadequacy?
• Has your sexual potency suffered since drinking?
• Do you show marked dislikes and hatreds since drinking?
• Has your jealousy, in general, increased since drinking?
• Do you show marked moodiness as a result of drinking?
• Has your efficiency decreased since drinking?
• Has your drinking made you more sensitive?
• Are you harder to get along with since drinking?
• Do you turn to an inferior environment since drinking?
• Is drinking endangering your health?
• Is drinking affecting your peace of mind?
• Is drinking making your home life unhappy?
• Is drinking jeopardizing your business?
• Is drinking clouding your reputation?
• Is drinking disturbing the harmony of your life?

If you have answered yes to any one of the Test Questions, there is a definite warning that you may be alcoholic.
If you answered yes to any two of the Test Questions, the chances are that you are an alcoholic.
If you answer yes to three or more of the Test Questions you are definitely an alcoholic.

NOTE:  The Test Questions are not A.A. questions but are the guide used by Johns Hopkins University Hospital in deciding whether a patient is alcoholic or not.

In addition to the Test Questions, we in A.A. would ask even more questions. Here are a few:

• Have you ever had a complete loss of memory while, or after, drinking?
• Have you ever felt, when or after drinking, an inability to concentrate?
• Have you ever felt remorse after drinking?
• Has a physician ever treated you for drinking?
• Have you ever been hospitalized for drinking?

Many other questions could be asked, but the foregoing are sufficient for the purpose of this instruction.

Why Does An Alcoholic Drink?

Having decided that we are alcoholics, it is well to consider what competent mental doctors consider as the reasons why an alcoholic drinks:

• As an escape from situations of life which he cannot face.
• As evidence of a maladjusted personality (including sexual maladjustments).
• As a development from social drinking to pathological drinking.
• As a symptom of a major abnormal mental state.
• As an escape from incurable physical pain.
• As a symptom of constitutional inferiority - - a psychopathic personality.

For example, an individual who drinks because he likes alcohol, knows he cannot handle it, but does not care.  

Many times one cannot determine any great and glaring mechanism as the basis of why the drinker drinks, but the revealing fact may be elicited:

That alcohol is taken to relieve a certain vague restlessness in the individual, incident to friction between his biological and emotional makeup and the ordinary strains of life.  

The above reasons are general reasons. Where the individuality or personality of the alcoholic is concerned these reasons may be divided as follows:

A self-pampering tendency which manifests itself in refusal to tolerate, even temporarily, unpleasant states of mind such as boredom, sorrow, anger, disappointment, worry, depression, dissatisfaction, and feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
  "I want what I want when I want it" seems to express the attitude of many alcoholics toward life.  
An instinctive urge for self-expression, unaccompanied by determination to translate the urge into creative action.
An abnormal craving for emotional experience which calls for removal of intellectual restraint.
Powerful hidden ambitions, without the necessary resolve to take practical steps to attain them, and with resultant discontent, irritability, depression, disgruntledness, and general restlessness.
A tendency to flinch from the worries of life and to seek escape from reality by the easiest means available.
An unreasonable demand for continuous happiness or excitement.
An insistent craving for the feeling of self-confidence, calm, and poise that some obtain temporarily from alcohol.

We Admit

If after carefully considering the foregoing, we admit we are alcoholics, we must realize that, once a person becomes a pathological drinker, he can never again become a controlled drinker, and from that point on, is limited to just two alternatives:
Total permanent abstinence.
Chronic alcoholism with all of the handicaps and penalties it implies.
In other words, we have gone past the point where we had a choice. All we have left is a decision to make.

We Resolve to Do Something About It

• We must change our way of thinking. (This is such an important matter that it will have to be discussed more fully in a later discussion).
• We must realize that each morning when we wake, we are potential drunkards for that day.
• We resolve that we will practice A.A. for the 24 hours of that day.
• We must study the other eleven steps of the programme and practice each and every one.
• Attend the regular group meeting each week without fail.
• Firmly believe that by practicing A.A. faithfully each day, we will achieve sobriety.
• Believe that we can be free from alcohol as a problem.
• Contact another member before taking a drink, not after. Tell him what bothers you - - talk it over with him freely.
• Work the programme for ourselves alone - - not for our wife, children, friends, or for our job.
• Be absolutely honest and sincere.
• Be fully openminded - - no mental reservations.
• Be fully willing to work the programme. Nothing good in life comes without work.

Conclusion

Alcoholics are suffering from a threefold disease, not only a physical illness. Fortunately, we in A.A. have learned how it may be controlled. (This will be shown in the next eleven steps of the programme.)
We can also learn to be free from alcohol as a problem.
We can achieve a full and happy life without recourse to alcohol.

ASK QUESTIONS

No question pertaining to drinking, or stopping drinking, is silly or irrelevant. The matter is too serious. Any questions we ask may help someone else. This is not a shortcut to A.A., it is an introduction, a help, a brief course in fundamentals. In A.A. we learn by question and answer; we learn by exchanging our thought and our experience with each other. Any question you ask may help someone else. To cover as many questions as possible in the short time available, all answers must be limited to three minutes.

I know that if this programme works for me and I am able to maintain a sober, peaceful life, it will not be through any strength of mine, but rather, the Man Upstairs has reached down and given me a helping hand. Strange as it may seem - - it works.  

I'm Kathy, and I am definitely an alcoholic. If I didn't know it before, I would surely know it after answering all of the questions in this reading. I don't think there was one that I didn't answer "yes" to.

I also really really related to this part of the reading:

A self-pampering tendency which manifests itself in refusal to tolerate, even temporarily, unpleasant states of mind such as boredom, sorrow, anger, disappointment, worry, depression, dissatisfaction, and feelings of inferiority and inadequacy.
  "I want what I want when I want it" seems to express the attitude of many alcoholics toward life.  
An instinctive urge for self-expression, unaccompanied by determination to translate the urge into creative action.
An abnormal craving for emotional experience which calls for removal of intellectual restraint.
Powerful hidden ambitions, without the necessary resolve to take practical steps to attain them, and with resultant discontent, irritability, depression, disgruntledness, and general restlessness.
A tendency to flinch from the worries of life and to seek escape from reality by the easiest means available.
An unreasonable demand for continuous happiness or excitement.
An insistent craving for the feeling of self-confidence, calm, and poise that some obtain temporarily from alcohol.

I think that my alcoholism relates mostly to "A tendency to flinch from the worries of life and to seek escape from reality by the easiest means available."  It's funny though, because I may have thought that drinking to escape was easy, but it was really quite complicated! I had to sometimes be very creative to handle the financial means of it. I even stole from my family-borrowing credit or debit cards for groceries "for the kids". 

Of course, there was also all of the hiding the bottles (why? I lived by myself with my kids and they knew I was drunk!); timing things so that I wouldn't drive to school functions drunk (yet having a bottle stashed in the trunk to swig off of once I got there) and  the creative excuses (and boy did I have a lot of the flu) for not showing up for work or for leaving early either because I had a hangover or really needed to get to the business of drinking. I'm sure you get the picture and know it really wasn't easy to maintain that whole need to take the easy way out.

By the time I made it to recovery this time, I had no problem in admitting that I was done in by my disease. I was (thankfully) desperate and knew if I didn't stop, I wouldn't last much longer on this planet. 

In admitting my problem, I opened up a whole new realm of existence that I may have never known possible, but one that I had always craved in my heart.

I think this is the most important step in the whole process. For some it is the hardest, for me not so much. Admitting I was/am an alcoholic wasnt the problem trying to contol it was. I was one of those who at first thought I would be able to control my drinking. Not at all, as easy as it sounds. I think the first question should be Is drinking affecting your peace of mind? It should also be the last. When I first came to AA and answered questions much like this, it was a big eye opener. You realize just how upside down your life was and how un-normal your drinking habits bacame. There is no miracle cure for alcoholism but there is a process to become sober, it is a life long learning process, which takes time and effort. Just like it took me years of practice to became a good drunk it will take me years of practice to stay sober. Even though that first step is a big one it is well worth it so i keep coming back.The longer I'm here the more Peace of Mind I have. But I remind my self every day that I am still an alcoholic in repair.

I thought, when i first came into the program, that step one was going to be easy.  I took the are you an alkie tests and passed   with flying colors. .  Yes, i was definitley an alcoholic.  I had known it for a long time before i reached out for help, so i wasnt really that suprised.  What i didnt understand fully was what an alcoholic was exactly.  I understood what the books said, but i didnt get the powerlessness over that first drink.  I had the belief that, if i could just fix my problems, learn to be happier, learn how to make others do what i felt was the right thing.... i could beat this.  And, once i became a whole, healthy person...   drinking wouldnt be an issue therefore, maybe i didnt reallyyyy need to give it up.  I just needed to take a break and gain some coping skills. 

In all this, i also believed that  "I"  could fix it.  I would talk to other alkies, learn their secrets....  take what i needed from them, and come up with my very own unique solution to my drinking problem.  It took me a long time to get , what was stated in the post...

".If after carefully considering the foregoing, we admit we are alcoholics, we must realize that, once a person becomes a pathological drinker, he can never again become a controlled drinker, and from that point on, is limited to just two alternatives:
Total permanent abstinence. "

 I had passed the point where i could ever touch a drop of alcohol again.  And there was no point in obsessing about the "why me"  part of it.  Perhaps it was my depression/anxiety, maybe life experiences, lack of coping skills, or any combination.  The fact is , i am an alcoholic.  I can not drink safely.  If i do drink, really, the only thing that is guarenteed is death, the only thing that isnt for sure is the way i would die from the disease. 

So i do what i have to do.  What this reading suggests.  I go to meetings, i talk to other alcoholics/addicts, i take the suggestions that are given to me, and work the steps.   I have to do all this daily in order to remind myself that i am powerless.. and that i cant do this alone.   And because i do this, my life is so much better, i am so much happier than i thought possibe.  So, for today at least, i am grateful that im an alcoholic, because it means that i can grow and improve.  It means that i can finally be comfortable just being me, and like who i am.   Thanks Kathy for the discussion, look forward to futher posts.

Hi bushman.  

It helped me to tell myself I just don't get to drink "today", rather than "never again."  It's much easier to commit to only today.

I was interested in your choice of words in regards to others being "guilty" by association  It sounds like you are carrying some shame and/or guilt in regards to your alcoholism. Shame and guilt are killers for alcoholics.  The disease feeds off of those two and just grows stronger.

I remember when I relapsed at 9 months sober and my dad told me..." that's okay, you aren't an alcoholic, you just need to slow down."  I remember thinking to my self..  are you nuts man? Do you not remember the havoc created before I stopped drinking? My next thought was.........  wow! dad doesn't think I'm an alki... let's go buy a bottle. I'm free!

What I've come to learn is that unless someone has been there, they just can't get it.  There is no way my dad could have been inside my head when I was drinking and in fear of what was going to happen when I blacked out later in the night. There is no way anyone else, unless they have been there, could understand the dread of taking that first drink KNOWING that I didn't want to drink -- but not being able to NOT drink.

This is where AA comes in. By surrounding myself with people that do understand my thinking, I am better able to get an understanding of this disease. This made it easier for me to commit to being in recovery without any reservations what so ever that I can ever drink again. I still take it a day at a time, but I know I can never, ever drink again unless I want my old life back.

I hope you found yoru way to that meeting. Get to meetings, find a sponsor and start working those steps and you will be able to change that thinking in your head. It's not going to happen without taking action.

Good luck and hope to see you in the chat room!