I found this on another site, and thought it was funny:

Whiners Anonymous Help (Wah-Wah Boo-Hoo)


Do you whine, complain, or snivel? Are you a grumpy old fart?
Do you seek out others in taverns or internet chat rooms to whine about things?
Do people ever tell you to "like it or lump it"?
Are you asked, "What are you crying about?"
Do friends or family seem less likely to talk to you as the years go by?
Do you constantly tell other people they whine too much?

If you do any of these things, you may be in need of the WAH! 12 step program.
Whining is for tiny tots! Do you want to die a lonely old man/woman and whine about the prospect?
Stop whining now!

The WAH! 12 Step Program:

1. Admit you whine.

Just say, "I am a whiner."

2. Admit your whining is a problem.

It's not enough to know you whine--you have to realize it interferes with your life. Tell yourself, your spouse, and a friend that you have a problem with whining, that all you have ever done is whine. But don't whine to God! He already knows, all too well. God just sat back while you whined away the years. It's not His fault, after all, so don't go whining to Him with your problem.


3. Seek help to cure your whining.

Whining is but one of your many shortcomings, since you are a miserable excuse for a human being. Another shortcoming is you can't do anything for yourself, otherwise you would not whine. Go whine to somebody to help you--that's all you know how to do, remember?

4. Laugh at your whine.

Made a decision to turn your constant whining over to your sense of humor and learn to "lovingly and wholeheartedly" laugh at yourself each time you whine. Be prepared to be given the nickname "Loony Tunes," however.


5. Step out of your shoes.

Put your whine in perspective. There's a woman in Africa living in a mud hut with a grass roof and NO indoor plumbing. She lives off of $27 a year. She is totally blind and collects sticks for firewood, hoping the next stick isn't a snake. Now, what was your whine again?


6. Eat something nasty.

Eat some vegetable you hate without whining about the taste. And don't hold your nose or cover it with cheese!

7. Listen to other whiners.

Get a part job in a complaint department and listen to other peoples' whines 8 hours a day. But don't complain about your job! If you do, go back to step 3. Go a whole week listening to your wife/husband complain and just say "yes dear." If you can't, go back to step 2. Have kids and listen to them whine--that's how you sound to others. Pay back time! What goes around, comes around!


8. Make a victim list.

Make of list of all persons you thought you had harmed and hope to hell that they'd forgotten all the minuscule crap you'd blown out of proportion. Ask them if you ever whined, and then be prepared to take the return whine.


9. Beat the crap out of your parents.

After all, they raised a whiner. Yes, you started early, but it is not your fault!

10. Beware of falling off the wagon.

Resign yourself to the fact you are going to whine each time you try to stick to your guns when you know you are right. Once a whiner, always a whiner, they say. So either just admit you are wrong or go back to step 1. Cripes, you mean you really want to go back to step 1 after getting to step 10?


11. Whine to your dog.

They love you no matter how much you whine. It's called unconditional love. Unless of course they sense your foul mood. Disguise your whine by mixing the words "good dog" in every sentence. They only know so many words--those two they know. Otherwise, your dog would hate you like all the people you know.


12. Help others.

Help some other whiney-assed bastard with his whine problem. You get to whine about their whining. It's great.