As much good as the communities surrounding 12 step programs have done, it would be counter to everything we know about people to think this same community hasn’t done a fair share of messing people up. A perfect example is the suggestion that people might use a candy bar in early recovery to help with cravings. More accurate is that diet, and especially refined sugar, has made it impossible for many to ever get through early recovery. That first year is a statistical catastrophe.

What about thinking. When I was in my first weeks and months I went to a meeting that had a few slogan stickers stuck on the lectern. The one I kept looking at said “Think, Think, Think”. I didn’t like it. I wanted to stop thinking. That’s why I started meditating. It had nothing to do with complying to step 11, I was trying to survive.

At some point I told one of my mentor friends that it would be in my best interest if I did away with thinking altogether. After we talked about it for awhile he said that it wasn’t all thought that was a problem. We just needed only to think about those things we decided we wanted to think about.OK, that made sense. But I was still convinced that something about thinking – at least my thinking – was detrimental.

The more time I spent in meditation the more I noticed the productivity that came out of what amounted to – not thinking. Another thing – who is qualified to pick the best stuff to think about? It wasn’t me – not then. As I went along watching myself and others I noticed that most of my mental energy was spent in what I came to call ” The Rehearsal”. My brain, that automatic thought machine, compulsively practiced for a part it might play in some possible future.

I say it was my brain, because it wasn’t what I saw as me. In order for it to be me – wouldn’t it have to be something I wanted to do? At the very least should it be something I approve of? Something I enjoyed? Well it was none of those things. It was at this time I realized that the only enemy I had on this  was my brain. More specifically – thought. As I continued along the path I was growing in my conviction that the – Just think about what we chose to – idea, was lacking something. First there was the “who chooses what’s best” and second I was noticing something “fundamentally faulty” in what we call thinking.

Even at it’s best most of the thinking that I observe in my self and others is – I can’t think of a good word – maybe lacking? I want to say – wrong. There is just something wrong with it. What I started doing was reading. I “ran in to” some really good books. I read the words written by people who seemed to be thinking – differently. Were they? Is thinking differently possible? If so, wouldn’t it be to my advantage to practice it?

One thing I knew for sure is I didn’t want to do what I was doing for the rest of my life. Hell, I didn’t want to do it for the rest of the day. What I began to do was to learn about thought. What is it? Where does it come from? Can I stop it? Well I found out some stuff. But what is most interesting to me, and why I’m writing this today, is that the thought – I’m stuck on a word again – Fault? – is universal in humans. In fact it’s not so much a human condition fault – as a thought condition fault. Thought isn’t getting us anywhere – as individuals or as a species. The negative aspects of tribal life are the negative aspects of the modern world community. We haven’t solved any of our problems.

I recently re-discovered a couple of tools. One is an audio. One is a video. The audio is by John Steele. The video is a converstation between J. Krishnamurti and David Bohm. I suggest listening and watching. It was good for me. Have fun…