i forgot to put the rest in.    

alot happened within only one month that might explain why i sounded so irrational on line.

my husband and recieved a notice from medical perscription coverage mine had been cancelled with no warning. i have seizures, cardiac problems and type 2 diabetes. the last dose should have been for the morning two days ago. every plan we looked into had a 30 waiting period. we were attempting to check these out, asking state senator to interviene, call state federal repr. and wrote president himself. ( the oval office did not even pick up  fed ex sent overnight ) by two weeks into this quest, our count down began, if i couldn't get the life sustaining medication i needed, there would be one or two medical emerenies which actually bring on my death. if grandmal seizures began, even with pace maker, my heart would not be able to endure it. if heart med.s were lost the same thing, but like waiting for bomshell to explode underfoot.as we enetered the last week, i seemed suicidal, i could believe myself how i'd fought so hard just to live, because of this (we later found out, poor jugement combined with clerical errors )would mean husband and i would have no chance to celebrate our 4th anniversary on may 27th. we at that point had the congressman's rep. out state senator, and vetran's rep. to help jump hoops for any available coverage for medication. they would have one, when called answer was same , thirty days. at that point with one full dose for one day left, we did get call which means i will live? ya live long enough to start to finish my associates degree in june. with in the last two weeks before we recived this news, i turned to those on line to try to take burden off of husband , we both understood the time frame was near with each passing day. to those who helped at times i did sound siucidal, again for that i appologize also. i was trying to figure out if it would be a wdding aniversary, or a burial,only because of this, the medication. again the power of love had worked what most called a miracle befor in my live. in 06, i coded, for the lenght of time my heart stopped i should have been brain dead,( durr, guess they were wrong, lol) what gave me the extra will to surive, as i felt my life ebb away? someone mentioned my husbands name" john" the only name  i could connect synomous with love by that point. that proved to be the catlyst for a will which can only be put in written terms as " i gotta igotta I WILL" oddly enough at that time i heard " foud!" defib-out, again i heard debfib,next, set 02 quick! the another code but words of respritory failure! reset." then the usual visual testing asap in icu cardic, can you hear ?  move anything, i you can blink eyes blink our try to. i was heavily sedated to help heart revore for massive coranary bundle block.which means the buch of nerves stopped sendind signals for my heart to pump. yet miracles do exist. this happen in e.r. but in cat scat room,i went for that to help  diagnose awful migrains,an anerism in my brain stem ruptured as i placed my head and neck on the top to c.t. all i can remeber of that was the reset light, seizures ensued immieatly, the rest followed. well i guess surbiving a tripple code a triple code is a miacle enogh, nuervous sytem,respritoy and cardicac, one set off a domino effect. well i guess the rest is history again. the only question how come i have recovered so quick from this traumactic event? i don't know myself, except the same attitude exists, if there was a potential for any thing to lofty to reach, I WILL. today? i walk, speak. and have begun recovery of what should be a life of short term memory loss. the school which i had formerly was a college student had after apealing the physal and psch recovery have allowed me to return again after enogh medical proof was submitted, for summer studies, on trail baisis, i have enrolled foe fall and spring semesters also. why ? not only because i did, now i honestly know i can, the callenge ahead of me it to graduate on the honor roll, why such a lofty idealistic goal?

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