This disease doesn't need us to drink in order to kill us.

I wish more folks knew that, and appreciated it. Alcoholism is the only disease that is entirely capable of fighting back, of taking care of itself, and of emerging in new places and new forms when it isn't properly treated.

That's because of the spiritual malady.

Most people think that has something to do with prayer or with God. It doesn't.

It has to do with 'our spirit'... that force which animates, motivates: and propels us. As an alcoholic, my spirit is ill. It is flawed. My character, or basic nature, doesn't work right. At its root, it is a  fundamental and irresolvable insecurity... a hole that can't ever be filled.

It is an instinct run rampant, a desperate need for acceptance and love that cannot be met. It hurts. It fills one with fear. The selfishness and self-centeredness of the alcoholic lies here... we are totally preoccupied with what is going on with ourselves on the inside.

The slings and arrows of experience warped by this need drive us to  the fringe, and the voices of the committee in our head keep us there. We are obsessed with ourselves, and from this condition of mind... the insanity of feelings gone haywire, we become self-medicators eventually.

We discover alcohol or something else... and the stuff quiets the voices, provides the relief we've never been able to find in any other way. It isn't any wonder we drink, or drug, the way we do.

And some of us don't develop an addiction ... in attempting to meet  these crying demands of our spirit become ill, we develop other malformations of behavior, and suffer in a hundred different ways.

I believe  recovery from alcoholism through the Steps must be a three-fold
process. It is not one dimensional. When we say, in AA, that we have a triangle... recovery, unity, service... we mean it.

In working the Steps, I clear a pathway for two purposes...
First, to come into a group of human people and away from the fringe of society where I have spent most of my emotional life.
Secondly, to discover 'belonging' through service to the people within that group. It is only this entire, threefold process that heals. It is especially true for those of us who suffer from the spiritual  malady to a great degree.

Perhaps the 12th Step says it best:
"Having had a spiritual awakening as the result of these Steps (recovery),
we tried to carry this message to other alcoholics (service)
and practice these principles in all our affairs (unity).

You see... I cannot hold back. I must not continue to suffer that  shyness, aloneness, that overwhelming sense of self ... in my affairs.

I must get involved in a group of people to practice these principles  in all my affairs. Only the total approach is healing.

Anything less is little more than driving my disease deep ... and if I do that ... it will continue to  eat away, trying to destroy me.

Thanks for letting me share.. and remember this Online Recovery Community is for You.

You found it, you signed up, so  please share a little of your Experience, Strength and Hope.

Peace and Serenity